[MUNKUSTRAP]
Of the awful battle
Of the Pekes and the Pollicles
Together with some account
Of the participation of the Pugs and the Poms
And the intervention of the Great Rumpus Cat!

The Pekes and the Pollicles everyone knows
Are proud and implacable passionate foes
It is always the same wherever one goes
And the Pugs and the Poms although most people say
That they do not like fighting, yet once in a way
They now and again join into the fray
And they...

[COMPANY]
Bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark!

[MUNKUSTRAP]
Until you can hear them all over the park
Now on the occasion of which I shall speak
Almost nothing had happened for nearly a week
(And that's a long time for a Pol or a Peke)
The big police dog was away from his beat
I don't know the reason but most people think
He slipped into the Wellington Arms for a drink
And no one at all was about on the street
When a Peke and a Pollicle happened to meet
They did not advance or exactly retreat
But they glared at each other and scraped their hind feet
And started to...
[RUMPLETEAZER]
Bark!

[MUNGOJERRIE]
Bark!

[RUMPLETEAZER]
Bark!

[MUNGOJERRIE]
Bark, bark!

[RUMPLETEAZER]
Bark!

[MUNGOJERRIE]
Bark?

[RUMPLETEAZER]
Bark?

[MUNKUSTRAP]
Until you could hear them all over the park
And they...

[COMPANY]
Bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark!
[MUNKUSTRAP]
Until you could hear them all over the park
Now the Peke although people may say what they please
Is no British dog but heathen Chinese
And so all the Pekes when they heard the uproar
Some came to the window, some came to the door
They were surely a dozen more likely ascore
And together they started to grumble and wheeze
In their huffery-snuffery heathen Chinese
But a terrible din is what Pollicles like
For your Pollicle dog is a dour Yorkshire tyke

[MALE CATS]
There are dogs out of every nation: The Irish, the Welsh, and the Dane
The Russian, the Dutch, the Dalmatian
And even from China and Spain
The Poodle, the Pom, the Alsatian
And the Mastiff who walks on a chain

[MUNKUSTRAP]
And to those that are frisky and frolical
Let my meaning be perfectly plain:

[MALE CATS]
That my name it is Little Tom Pollicle
And you'd better not do it again!
[MUNKUSTRAP]
And his braw Scottish cousins are snappers and biters
And every dog-jack of them notable fighters
And so they stepped out with their pipers in order
Playing "When the Blue Bonnets Come Over The Border"
Then the Pugs and the Poms held no longer aloof
But some from the balcony, some from the roof
Joined into the din with a...

[COMPANY]
Bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark, bark!

[MUNKUSTRAP]
Until you could hear them all over the park

[COMPANY]
Huffery snuffery, huffery snuffery, huffery snuffery, huffery snuff!

[MUNKUSTRAP]
Until you could hear them all over the park

(the COMPANY begins barking and howling uproariously)

[MUNKUSTRAP]
No!

(the COMPANY falls silent)

[MUNKUSTRAP]
When these bold heroes together assembled
The traffic all stopped
And the Underground trembled
And some of the neighbours were so much afraid
That they started to ring up the Fire Brigade
When suddenly up from a small basement flat
Why, who should stalk out but...

[MUNKUSTRAP & COMPANY]
...the Great Rumpus Cat!

[MUNKUSTRAP]
His eyes were like fireballs fearfully blazing
He gave a great yawn and his jaws were amazing
And when he looked out through the bars of the area
You never saw anything fiercer... or hairier
And what with a glare of his eyes and his yawning
The Pekes and the Pollicles quickly took warning
He looked to the sky and he gave a great leap
And they every last one of them scattered like sheep!
And when the police dog returned to his beat
There wasn't a single one left on the street!

[COMPANY]
All hail and all bow to the Great Rumpus Cat!