No matter how often we do it
I never get used to it
Leaving you is always agony
So now I'm dragging my heels through the frog and squeel of london
Feeling undone
Completely unable to function without playing over all the little creases of your laughing face
We argued over nothing late last night
We knew our heats would break as soon as the dawn did and I closed the door behind you
But time is precious
We cling on to each other
Feeling panicky and restless
Every moment urgent
We are volatile and wreckless
As we kiss until our edges fray
As if a child’s hand had sketched us
So here I am again
A grey day in the [capital?]
While you watch another city rise and fall in the bat and ball nature of our phonecalls
Its enough to make me pack it all in and run back to you
But we knew it would be like this
I watch the people holding hands
And none of them know it feels to wake up with your body
Endless and intent on giving all its warmth and playfulness to mine
It was dawn in your attic room when noone ever loved but us
But now your absence comes from me
I clutch my guts and stomp on seats and ride the bus
As numbness creeps across the parts of me that you touched
Because you and your absoluteness is vivid
The rest is passing shades
Insipid faces masquerade as humans
I see through them
They're just counting down the hours like we all are
Till you can hold me to your bones and call my name into existence
And now I'm flirting with your absence
It talks gently and I listen
In my mind I let our lips collide
I shot my eyes, transcend this distance
But all around me
The world just plays on at being real
But nothing’s real without your feel to feel me
Kneel me down and leave me nearly drowned in all your raging glory
I wasn't real until you saw me
Now I'm alone in bed stuffing your shirt into my face
Oh there's hardly a smell of you left
All I can smell is my breath
I smoke your cigarettes and I listen to your favorite songs
And tell myself one day we'll look back and smile and say this made us strong
But right now.. right now I'm so fucking lonely for you
I'm giving all my money to the homeless men with dirty feet
That smoke crack on the hight street
Just so I can smile at them
Expose the whites of my teeth
As the night descends
The mood I'm in tonight
Any minute now my life could end
Even though I know its just a few weeks now
I breath out when I hope that you can sleep
How the days fall into weeks is a mystery
It happens though
Suddenly a month is up
And I’m tricking everyone into thinking I am coping well
Only your absence knows the truth
Oh it rolls and it swells
And its sucking on my toes in a lonely hotel
Its all bodily
Its not even my head thinks about you
Its my hands, my skin, my nipples
Its my stupid lips that pronounce you all the time
I lay next to where you should be
And I begin to doubt that you ever even happened
I flinch
I dont know to fill this aching space
I lay awake and miss the way your mouth moves
I hate the sheets, the covers
Your absense becomes a vacuum I can’t shout through
There's no romance in it
To have lost you so soon after I found you
So I throw myself around
And think the bed’s too big without you