[Verse 1]
Miss Marry Ann kept her man
In porcupine gloves, in porcupine gloves
And on that day as scheduled
They made porcupine love, porcupine love
So stiff and stuck, and prickly
He came in and then back out quickly
But Lord, not any quicker than according to plan
Like a soldier, one foot in front of the other
Miss Marry Ann had a man
Named Stan, Stan Butler
He had no antlers, he had no center
He had no enter and he had no exit
His hair was short and prickly
He came in and then back out quickly
But Lord, not any quicker than according to plan
Like a soldier, one foot in front of the other

[Chorus]
And how he loved her apple pies
How he loved her meat loaf
How he loved her chicken breasts
How he loved her pudding
Served promptly at eight o'clock
Served promptly at seven
Served promptly at ten o'clock
And promptly at eleven, heaven
[Verse 2]
Miss Marry Ann kept her cans in alphabetical order
Miss Marry Ann began to have some thoughts of murder
Miss Marry Ann began to think real hard about her future
Miss Marry Ann preferred her meat to be freshly butchered
Oh, she killed him rather quickly
Man, that woman was truly sickly
But Lord, not any sicker than according to plan
Like a soldier, one foot in front of the other

[Chorus]
And how he loved her apple pies
How he loved her meat loaf
How he loved her chicken breasts
How he loved her pudding
Served promptly at eight o'clock
Served promptly at seven
Served promptly at ten o'clock
And promptly at eleven, heaven

[Outro]
Miss Marry Ann kept her man
In porcupine gloves, in porcupine gloves
And on that day as scheduled
They made porcupine love
Porcupine lo-ah-ah-ah, achoo