[Round 1: James Corden]
Tonight, the main event has me up against a legend
And I admit Halle Berry is well-known in her profession
But let's not pretend that Catwoman didn't suck
Halle, that was a Batman movie; how'd you mess that up?
I love your movie Swordfish — well, just one scene
It's considered a classic amongst prepubescent teens
Listen, you're so pretty, I wish you'd brought a disguise
You're so bad at— ahh, I just got lost in your eyes

[Halle Berry]
That's all you got? I mean, for real?

[James Corden]
I'm used to doing this with, like, David Schwimmer, not Halle Berry!

[Halle Berry]
This gon' be easier than I thought. Gimme a beat

[Round 1: Halle Berry]
I'm glad Swordfish was to your satisfaction
It's probably the only time your dick has seen some action
Yes, everybody knows Catwoman tanked
But I took Kingsman to the motherfucking bank!
I gotta ask you one thing before I make you lose
Are your eyes tiny small, or your head crazy huge?
James has a Tony, that's cool and all
But I have an Oscar, so suck my monster balls
[Round 2: James Corden]
Halle is a classic, this whole thing's tragic
You're just Viola Davis, but not as charismatic
Sure, you won an Oscar, but I question the voters
I use my Gothika DVD as a drink coaster
Yes, you won Best Actress, but that was past tense
Unless it was for pretending Cloud Atlas makes sense
2008, you were Sexiest Woman Alive
Was that a moment when Beyoncé briefly died?

[Round 2: Halle Berry]
Fat jokes are too easy, I'll try to be nicer
But who held your pizza when you kissed Sean Spicer?
You apologized, so I know you learned your lesson
Too bad you couldn't give a handjob to Jeff Sessions
And you produce this show, isn't that fun?
You've been in ten battles and lost every one
Poor James, late night's forgotten son
Jimmy Kimmel saved Obamacare; what the fuck have you done, son?

[Round 3: James Corden]
Yeah, I kissed Sean Spicer, that's easy to fix
I thought when you kiss a frog, he turns into a prince
In Bulworth, you got political, or you tried to
And now we have Donald Trump, so I guess we blame you
When it comes to getting married, three divorces is enough
Forget signing autographs, sign a prenup!
You've done so many X-Men movies, maybe a dozen
I heard "X-Men" and I thought it was about your husbands
[Round 3: Halle Berry & audience]
Yeah, you got me, I am a divorcée
But what did Jay-Z say? Oh, hell no, not today
Carpool Karaoke is great as a gimmick
We watch for real stars, we don't care that you're in it
Now, why are you so angry and pushy?
Of course you hated Catwoman, you never get pussy
I've won so much, you couldn't keep tally
This battle's like the Oscars, y'all: the winner is... Halle!