Arr! Arr! ARr! ARR!

We are the pirates who don't do anything
We just stay at home and lie around
And if you ask us to do anything
We'll just tell you we don't do anything!

Well, I've never been to Greenland
And I've never been to Denver
And I've never buried treasure in St. Louie or St. Paul
And I've never been to Moscow
And I've never been to Tampa
And I've never been to Boston in the fall!

'Cause We're the pirates who don't do anything
We just stay at home and lie around
And if you ask us to do anything
We'll just tell you we don't do anything!

And I never hoist the mainstay
And I've never swabbed the poop deck
And I never veer to starboard
Cause I never sail at all

And I've never walked the gangplank
And I've never owned a parrot
And I've never been to Boston in the fall!
'Cause were the pirates who don't do anything
We just stay at home and lie around
And if you ask us to do anything
We'll just tell you we don't do anything!

Well, I've never plucked a rooster
And I'm not too good at ping pong
And I've never thrown my mashed potatos
Up against the wall

And I've never kissed a chipmunk
And I've never gotten head lice
And I've never been to Boston in the Fall!

(Spoken part)
Pirate Captain's Log, 2002
Who be this band Relient K?
And why be they so full of contradictions?

We don't know, what he did
But we're down with Captain Kidd
We don't wake up before lunch
But we all eat Captain Crunch
We don't smoke
We don't chew
We watch Captain Kangaroo!
And I've never licked a spark plug
And I've never sniffed a stinkbug
And I've never painted daisies
On a big red rubber ball

And I've never bathed in yogurt
And I don't look good in leggings
And I've never been to Boston in the fall!

(Ladies and Gentlemen, let's give 'em a big hand!)
We are the pirates who don't do anything
We just stay at home and lie around
And if you ask us to do anything
We'll just tell you we don't do anything!

We're the pirates who don't do anything
We just stay at home and lie around
And if you ask us to do anything
We'll just tell you we don't do anything!