Longing for an idle mind
Can't seem to leave my past behind
When I’m awake I feel a constant degradation
Countless Marlboro meditations
Tell yourself that the world you love hates you
Even the ones that care for you the most
Feels like 1,000 eyes are staring at my soul
Tell myself one day I'll choke on the smoke and find peace
No peace to find. Get up, get up
Watch every step, dissect every word that is said
Replay and rewind these fucked up memories in bed
Please bare with me I'm still learning
Stupidity spews from the mouth of the burden
I didn’t do anything right
Lay waste to my youth and what is sacred to mine
Anxieties built a home in my mind
And the walls are beat to shit
Just because I'm fine doesn't mean that I'm alright
But I don't think you get it
Tell yourself that the world you love hates you
Even the ones that care for you the most
Feels like 1,000 eyes are staring at my soul
Tell myself one day I'll choke on the smoke and find peace
Just because I'm fine, doesn't mean that I’m alright
No peace to find
It’s built a home in my mind
Pictures of my trauma hangs from the walls
Always reminded of why I'm crawling out of my skin
No I can’t stand the sight of myself