[Verse 1]
There's something you should probably know before we go too far
My neighbor found a mushroom growing inside of my car
She called me up on tour, sounding emotionally scarred
Although it may have scared her more that I wasn't really alarmed
The dandruff in a shaken globe is fit to gild a manger
The pizza face is pepperoni, carbuncle, and caper
I'm bunions and contusions, bumps, lumps and bruises
Discoloring, and other things I can't reach with a loofah
Not a butcher, not a baker
Pick a booger with a basic evolutionary failure
I do not open mail, I do not answer phones
The fridge is pretty much a home for mayonnaise alone
Watch a pocketknife surgeon cut a cyst out in the kitchen
It's the cousin to acutely removing his own stitches in a pinch
Kool-Aid ooze out his toothache
Mushroom growing in the car; it's just another Tuesday

[Chorus]
(Forever now, forever it's a Tuesday) Tuesday
(Forever now, forever now) Tuesday
And if you waiting for a spell
Where it falls into an order you can help?
Then well, yeah
No
[Verse 2]
On one hand, it's pretty gross
On the other, it's sort of like a pretty desert rose
How against all odds, whether wet, dry, night or day
Garden, pigsty or cave, life science finds a way
Boxed in, vegged out, fox in the henhouse
Gray-stained teeth, say "cheese" through a trench-mouth
"Cheese!" Chase dreams with the hellbound
Posture suitable for a job in a bell tower
One plate, one fork, itty-bitty lamp
I would offer you a drink, but I literally can't
It feels like you're camping when you're sitting on the can
Where the crib has always simulated living in a van
A little light cleaning, keep the spiders off his eating
Maybe one day, he'll go deeper
Really exorcise the demon at the root
I'm in the sofa cushions over loose change
Black mold bathtub; homie, it's a Tuesday

[Chorus]
(Forever now, forever it's a Tuesday) Tuesday
(Forever now, forever now) Tuesday
And if you waiting for a spell
Where it falls into an order you can help?
Then well, yeah
No
[Verse 3]
I can't even keep a cactus alive when I'm present
When I'm gone, it's a groundbreaking botanical epic
From desolate to Little Shop of Horrors in a second
It's weird knowing life thrives more when you exit
The Trouble Man, cuddle with a duffel bag of loose cash
Chews glass, scatterbrained, aspartame moo-stache
Mwah! Head lice, dressed like a douchebag
Unsaid prayers, undead raccoon hat
Voice of the boiled-over
Thick skull; still throw his toys out his stroller
Piss black roof tar, bleed flat Cherry Coke
Very much another wack-job with a megaphone
Very much another fat slob playing chess alone
Lesser-known fetish porn, leftover Lexapro, et cetera
Everything's coming up goose eggs
Sunday, Monday, Happy Days, Tuesday is Tuesday

[Outro]
(Forever now, forever it's a Tuesday) Tuesday
(Forever now, forever now) Tuesday
(Forever now, forever it's a Tuesday)
(Forever now, forever now)