[Intro: Caspar Lee & Conor Maynard, spoken]
Can you sit still for a second please, buddy?
Caspar, why are you setting up a camera?
There's no camera! Oh, just pretend that's not there. Do you want to put on your headphones?
Headphones?
Hold on for a minute, sorry that looks inappropriate. There we go
Caspar, you said that I was coming 'round so we can go to the spa together today. You were saying we're gonna have some very relaxing but very necessary treatment all day long, and you're clearly trying to set up a sing-off right now. Making a noise like a horse doesn't change what you're trying to do
If you want to do a sing-off that's fine. I didn't bring it up, you did. And we could probably do it over "Rockstar" by Post Malone and get loads of views
You can't just bring me 'round and expect me to sit here and do a sing-off with you. You can't force me to do that--
Shh shh shh shh shhhhh
What was that for?
I just took a photo
What's that got to do with the sing-off?
If you do the sing-off with me, I'll tag you on Instagram

[Conor]
Baby girl
What's your name?
Lemme talk to ya
Lemme buy you a drank
I'm T-Pain, you know me
Konvict Muzic, Nappy Boy, ooh wee

[Caspar & Conor]
Hey.. ugh! Sorry, I missed the timing on that one
Yeah, that was the bit where you're meant to sing
Ahh, I know, I know... so embarrassing
Next time there's another gap, yeah, yeah, yeah
We have another gap coming up, right? After you? Okay
[Conor]
It's the remix to ignition
Hot and fresh, out the kitchen
Mama rollin' that body, got every man in here wishing
We sippin' on coke and rum
I'm like so what, I'm drunk
It’s freakin' weekend, baby, I'm about to have me some fun-

[Caspar & Conor]
It's the remix to ignition--
No no, so I just sang that song, so you can't sing the same song, that’s not how the sing-offs work. I sing a song, you sing a different song and so on and so forth, okay? Next time, just sing a different song, a completely different song
Sorry
'Kay, you got this, you got this

[Caspar & Conor]
I don't really care if you cry
On the real, you shoulda never lied
Saw the way she looked me in my eye
She said "Baby, I am not afraid to die"
It's my mom! Hey, yeah, I'm with him right now. Okay make it really quick, alright, okay, hehehe

[Caspar & Conor]
I said "I'm sorry mama
I never meant to hurt you
I never meant to make you cry but tonight, I’m trying to do a sing-off…
SO FUCK OFF!
Conor! She's a huge fan!
Well, I- I don't care, Caspar! You’ve ruined this sing-off so far- I mean, you haven't- you haven't even sung one note yet!
Aaaaah
What?
[Conor]
But it was not your fault but mine
And it was your heart on the line
I really fucked it up this time
Didn't I, my dear?

[Caspar]
Sorry, I'm just, I really want to make sure my next bit is good, so I’m just getting in tune

[Conor]
Been spendin' most our lives
Livin' in a gangsta's paradise
Been spendin' most our lives
Livin' in a gangsta's paradise

[fart noises]

[Caspar & Conor]
Today is gonna be the day that they're gonna throw it back to you
By now, you should've somehow realised what you gotta do
'Cause I don't believe that anybody-
OWW! FUCK! OWW! OWW! CASPAR!
You went through my part!
No! No, you know what, Caspar? No! You've ruined this! You'll never be a singer! You can't sing! You're embarrassing! You're terrible!
I've been fuckin' hoes and poppin' pillies
Man, I feel just like a Rockstar
[Outro: Jason Segel and Caspar]
Caspar! You have the voice of an angel! Conor, he wins, get the fuck outta here
Fuck off Jason Segel! No one asked you!