[Verse 1]
I hung on to Mary's stump
I danced with a soldier's glee
With a rum-soaked crook and a big fat laugh
I spent my last dollar on thee

I saw Bill Bones, I gave him a yell
Kehoe spiked the nog
With a chain-link fence and a scrap-iron jaw
Cookin' up a Filipino box spring hog
Cookin' up a Filipino box spring hog
Cookin' up a Filipino box spring hog

[Verse 2]
Spider rolled in from Hollister Burn
With a one-eyed stolen mare
Donned himself with chicken fat
Sawin' on a jawbone violin there

Kathleen was sittin' down in little Red's Recovery Room
In her criminal underwear bra
I was naked to the waist with my fierce black hound
And I'm cookin' up a Filipino box spring hog
Cookin' up a Filipino box spring hog
Cookin' up a Filipino box spring hog
[Verse 3]
Dig a big pit in a dirt alley road
Fill it with madrone and bay
Stinks like hell and the neighbors complain
Don't give a hoot what they say

Gotta slap that hog, roll him over twice
Gotta baste him with a sweeping broom
You gotta swat them flies and chain up the dogs
Cookin' up a Filipino box spring hog
Cookin' up a Filipino box spring hog
Cookin' up a Filipino box spring hog

[Verse 4]
Rattlesnake piccata with grapes and figs
Old brown Betty with a yellow wig
T'ain't the mince meat filagree
And it ain't the turkey neck stew
And it ain't them bruleed okra seeds
Though she made them especially for you

Worse won a prize for her bottom black pie
The beans got thrown to the dog
Jahesus Christ, I can always make room
Cookin' up a Filipino box spring hog
Cookin' up a Filipino box spring hog
Cookin' up a Filipino box spring hog
Cookin' up a Filipino box spring hog
(Cookin' up a Filipino box spring hog)
(Cookin' up a Filipino box spring hog)