Good morning mister snip snip snip
With your hair cut just as short as mine
Good morning mister snip snip snip
With your hair cut just as short as mine

Bay rum lucky tiger butch wax cracker jacks
Shoeshine jawbreaker magazine racks
Hanging round the barber shop a side-burning close crop
Morning Mr. Ferguson, what's the good word with you?
Staying out of trouble like a good boy should
I see you're still cutting hair, I'm still cutting classes
I got a couple passes to the ringle bros barn bail circus afternoon

You lost a little round the middle and you're looking real good
Sitting on the wagon instead of under the hood
What's the low-down Mr. Brown? I heard your boy's leaving town
I bought myself a struggle buggy sucker's powder blue
Throw me over the sports page, Cincinnati looking good
I always been for Pittsburgh and I lay you 10 to 1
The Pirates get the pennant and the Series before they're done
The hair's getting longer, you know the skirts are getting shorter
And don't you know that you can get a cheaper haircut
If you wanna cross the border
If your mama saw you smoking well she'd kick your ass
Now you put it out you juvenile and put it out fast
Well if I had a million dollars what would I do
I'd probably be a barber not a bum like you
Still got your paper route now that's just fine
And you can pay me double because you gypped me last time
And don't you know that you can keep a little circus money
And spend it on a girl
And just remember that I give the best haircuts
In the whole wide world
I give the best haircuts in the whole wide world

Good morning mister snip snip snip
With your hair cut just as short as mine
Good morning mister snip snip snip
With your hair cut just as short as mine