Well, your skeletons in the closet are introducing themselves
The knick-knacks wisecrack there on the shelf
You told him that you loved him, but he's hissin' at you
What else is new, what else is new, what else is new

Cause your old man's a counterfeit, your daughter's a lush
It's you and Mickey Spillane, and the lady's in a hush(?)
Someone's stealin' your heart, someone's stealin' your car
What else is new

Well now, your creditors hate you, and so do your kids
Your footballin' sweetheart is down on the skids
And now the parks are full of fugitives, the trees are on fire
What else is new, what else is new

Now you see, the cigarette machines are busted, you can't get no change
And somebody cancels everything you arrange
For every invitation gets your RSVP
What else is new, what else is new, what else is new, what else is new

Well now, the rockin' chair's busted, your ashtrays are full
Your evenings and your afternoons are usually dull
So you toast to the Toastmaster toaster and you
What else is new, what else is new, what else is new, what else is new

You gotta tell me, what else is new
What else is new
What else is new, what else is new, what else is new
What else is new