[Cut to Demoman running away from a sea of explosions.]

DEMOMAN (voiceover): What makes me a good Demoman?

[Cut to the Demoman sitting in a room full of explosives]

DEMOMAN: If I were a bad Demoman, I wouldn't be sittin' here discussin' it with ye, now would I?

[Cut to Demoman charging into battle alongside his team while dodging a cascade of rockets.]

DEMOMAN: Let's do it! Not one of ya's gonna' survive this.

[Cut back to Demoman's room]

DEMOMAN: One crossed wire, one wayward pinch of potassium chlorate, one errant twitch... AND KABLOOIE!

[Cut back to battle. The Demoman bounces a grenade off a wall and gibs a pursuing Pyro. We cut back and forth between the battle and Demoman chugging a bottle of Scrumpy.]

DEMOMAN: I got a manky eye. I'm a black, Scottish cyclops. They've got more f-[censored] than they've got the likes of me.

[The Demoman starts to drink from the empty Bottle, then notices the camera and becomes lucid again.]

DEMOMAN: So...

[The ending segment of "Drunken Pipe Bomb" starts to play.]
DEMOMAN: T'all you fine dandies so proud, so cocksure. Prancin' aboot with your heads full of eyeballs! Come and get me I say! I'll be waiting on ya with a whiff of the 'ol brimstone. I'm a grim bloody fable with an unhappy bloody end!

[The Demoman runs out to the final capture point in Gravelpit and is shocked to see a group of BLU team members charging towards him with smug expressions on their faces. A devious look comes over the Demoman's face and he runs with BLU in hot pursuit. The Demoman passes a door frame and covers it in sticky bombs. The Heavy notices the sticky bombs around the door frame, and his expression changes from smugness to one of shock. The Demoman throws a mock salute and activates the sticky bombs, gibbing all his pursuers. The Demoman walks up to what remains of his enemies, laughing merrily as body parts and blood rain down around him.]

DEMOMAN: Oh, they're goin' ta have to glue you back together... in hell!

[Team Fortress 2 title plays.]