[ORIN]
When I was younger, just a bad little kid
My mama noticed funny things I did
Like shootin' puppies with a BB gun
I'd poison guppies, and when I was done
I'd find a pussycat and bash in its head
That's when my mama said

[CRYSTAL, RONETTE, CHIFFON]
What did she say?

[ORIN]
She said, "My boy, I think someday
You'll find a way
To make your natural tendencies pay
You'll be a dentist

[CRYSTAL, RONETTE, CHIFFON]
You'll be a dentist

[ORIN & (CRYSTAL, RONETTE, CHIFFON)]
You have a talent for causin' things pain
(Pain)
Son, be a dentist
(Son, be a dentist)
People will pay you to be inhumane
(Inhumane)
Your temperament's wrong for the priesthood
And teaching would suit you still less
Son, be a dentist
You'll be a success"
[CRYSTAL, RONETTE, CHIFFON]
Here he is, girls the leader of the plaque!
Watch him suck up that gas!
Oh, my god!
He's a dentist and he'll never ever be any good
Who wants their teeth done by the Marquis de Sade?
Oh, that hurts! I'm not numb!

[ORIN]
Ah, shut up. Open wide, here I come!
I am your dentist

[CRYSTAL, RONETTE, CHIFFON]
Goodness, gracious!

[ORIN]
And I enjoy the career that I picked

[CRYSTAL, RONETTE, CHIFFON]
Ya' love it!

[ORIN]
I am your dentist

[CRYSTAL, RONETTE, CHIFFON]
Fitting braces
[ORIN]
And I get off on the pain I inflict

[CRYSTAL, RONETTE, CHIFFON]
You really love it

[ORIN & (CRYSTAL, RONETTE, CHIFFON)]
When I start extracting those molars
You girls will start screaming like holy rollers
(Dentist)
And though it may cause my patients distress
(Distress)
Somewhere in Heaven above me
I know that my mama's proud of me
'Cause I'm a dentist and a success
Say ah!

[CRYSTAL, RONETTE, CHIFFON]
Ah!

[ORIN]
Say ah!

[CRYSTAL, RONETTE, CHIFFON]
Ah!
[ORIN]
Say ah!

[CRYSTAL, RONETTE, CHIFFON]
Ah!

[ORIN]
Now spit!