[BARR, spoken] So that's the bottom line. After nearly two years of investigations, the special counsel did not find that the Trump campaign or other Americans colluded in those efforts. And I will now have a few questions

[RANDY, spoken] Hi! Hello. Over here. Thank you for taking our questions, Attorney General Barr. Um, Roseanne, many are concerned you have white-washed this report in an effort to protect the president. Your response?

[BARR, spoken] The very prosecutorial function of all our powers as prosecutors the...

[RANDY] Little clown, crying "No collusion"
We've been tricked and it's gone too far
He ain't down with the constitution
That's why Trump handpicked...

Bill Barr? (Over here)
Bill Barr? Bill Barr?
Hey Bill!
Roseanne?

Why does he just keep saying "No obstruction"
He must be under Donald's spell
He's a sheisty hypocrite
You might say he's full of shit
Just someone else I know. Good morning, Kell!

[CONWAY, spoken] Uh, first of all, the investigation by Mr. Mueller...

[RANDY, spoken] Okay, I just said good morning
[Conway, spoken] ...failed to conclude that the president has committed a crime...

[RANDY, spoken] Wow! That's great. Your husband hates you. Gotta go!

[RANDY, sung] Now it's no wonder Donald crapped his diaper
The day he heard they hired Bob
Since he really did obstruct
He said "Oh my god, I'm f***ed
Then he called Bill Barr and offered him the job

What they declare he's just repeating
Like in that phony summary
He should play fair but he's misleading
He's shadier than Sarah Huckabee

[RANDY, spoken] Oh hey, girl, I didn't see you there

[HUCKABEE, spoken] The big question here was whether or not the Trump campaign colluded with Russia. They didn't

[RANDY, spoken] This sure is a great read, though. Far off places, Russian hackers, magic spells, Paul Manifort. Why look, it even questions your own credibility, stating you lied multiple times to the American public about the firing of James Comey

[HUCKABEE, spoken] I...actually, if you look at what I said, I said the slip of the tongue was in using the word countless...

[RANDY, spoken] Okay

[HUCKABEE, spoken] But there were a number of FBI...
[RANDY, sung] Look there goes Sarah popping off like always
The apple of her daddy's eye
With a manner that's high-strung
And a slight "slip of the tongue"
Which is Huck-a-speak for "calculated lie"

Damn, this is so redacted
What's in volume H that I can't see?
Here's where he gets distracted
By those Russian hookers
But it's not 'til volume "Pee"

[RANDY, spoken] Mr. Giuliani, Republicans and Democrats alike are appalled that the president would take help of any kind from a hostile foreign source

[GIULIANI, spoken] Stop this b-- stop this pious act that you weren't trying to dig up dirt on people, putting dirt out on people

[RANDY, spoken] Who, me?

[GIULIANI, spoken] There's nothing wrong with taking information from Russians

[RANDY, spoken] There's nothing wrong with taking information from Russians?

[GIULIANI, spoken] It depends on where it came from

[RANDY, spoken] It came from Russians!
[GIULIANI, spoken] And does that information turn out to be false?

[RANDY, spoken] I don't know, I don't work here

[GIULIANI, spoken] Oh, yes you do

[RANDY, spoken] Excuse me, I have to do a costume change

[RANDY, sung] There's Jerry Nadler with a fat subpoena
For White House counsel Don McGahn
Little Junior pushed his luck
Daddy's thankful he's a schmuck
And his dumbass foiled their own master plan

Oh look you guys, Nancy Pelosi
Will she impeach no matter what?
They call his lies, he calls them nosy
And Jared Kushner's head's up his own butt

Bill Barr?
He lied!
She "slipped"
So many indiscretions
I need a drink
Roseanne?
Page twelve!
Will Mueller talk?
Hey Mayor Pete I think you're cute
Impeach?! No way
I miss Jeff Sessions
I thought this chapter would be funnier
Can we at least impeach Melania?

Now it's no wonder that the dems are fuming
They say his actions are bizarre
Look at all the tales he's spun
For an audience of one
And he really is incredible
For real, though, he's incredible
No, really, he's not credible
That Barr!

Bill Barr! Bill Barr
Bill Barr...
Roseanne!