Kid #1: I was starving in the poorhouse
Where they fed us twice a year
And they tossed me out the day I asked for more
King Richard: Aw

Kid #1: And your dad brought me to your house
And he gave me bread and beer
Also everything you left here in your drawer!
Galavant: Wait. What?

Kids: He was there!
He was there!
Kid #1: Gave me all your underwear
Kids: With his sweet, loving care
He was there!
Galavant: Got to be kidding me

Kid #2: I was carried off by slavers
Where my parents died of pox
And they sold me to be rendered into glue
King Richard: Ew!

Kid #2: Then your dad did me two favors
First he cleaned their freaking clocks
Then he gave me all the gear he gave to you!
Galavant: Hey, that's my favorite hat!
Kids: He was there!
He was there!
Kid #3: Random backflip in the air!
Kids: Yeah!

Kid #4: So much more...
Kid #5: Love to spare...
Kid #6: Such a gem!
Kid #7: Such a--
Galavant: Stop!

I was practically abandoned
By that smug and selfish jerk
It's like nothing that I did was quite enough
King Richard: That's rough

Galavant: First, his ego's out of hand
And all he cares about is work
And I can't believe he gave you all my stuff!
Kid #8: What?
Kid #5: No!

Kids: He was there!
Galavant: Never there!
Kids: He was--
Galavant: Never, ever there!
Kid #5 + Kid #8: Sweet and kind
Galavant: Au contraire!
Kid #9 + Kid #10: He's a saint!

Galavant: Not a prayer!

Nasty and cold-hearted
Such a pig, don't get me started

He's a schmuck!
He's a schmo!
He's the worst!
I should know!
He's my dad!
He's a cad!
...
He's right behind me. Isn't he?