[CHEF]
We got a snazzy, new room
With two whole benches
It's practically rodent-free
We got expensive perfume
For all our stenches
As swellegant as can be
And with these pointy, new shoes
To walk through mud in
Fancy silk squares to cough up blood in
Baby, let's face it
This is as good as it gets

[GWYNNE]
I suppose it is rather nice
We got the classier type of bedbug species
Between our new burlap sheets

[CHEF]
We got a custom-made pipe
That dumps our feces
On one of the nicer streets

[GWYNNE]
And when there's something amiss
Inside our breeches
[CHEF]
Our barber applies his fattest leeches

[GWYNNE]
Why not embrace it?

[CHEF & GWYNNE]
This is as good as it gets

[CHEF]
We're part of the upper lower class now

[GWYNNE]
Sickly, yet oh-so chic

[CHEF]
Our glass is half-full

[GWYNNE]
We own a glass now

[CHEF]
We bathe once a week

[GWYNNE]
Well, “bathe,” so to speak
[CHEF & GWYNNE]
And as our station in life keeps growing stronger
We're growing in more ways, too

[GWYNNE]
I think my tapeworm is, like, a whole foot longer

[CHEF]
By now I might have a few

[CHEF & GWYNNE]
And though our breath and our teeth may still be rotten
Together, just look how far we've gotten

[CHEF]
Baby, we made it

[GWYNNE]
Totally slayed it

[CHEF & GWYNNE]
Why would we trade it?
This is...
As good as it ge-e-e-e-e-e-ts