[Young Richard]
Will my day ever come?
Will my moment arrive?
Will I ever be more
Then just some poor, fat loser?
Do I ever become the hero?
Will I wed the girl I love?
Am I going to get to touch her boobs?

[King Richard]
I’m not telling you, you’re a child!

[Young Richard]
What? Who are you?

[King Richard]
I’m you! In the future

[Young Richard]
Cool!

[King Richard]
Oh god

[Young Richard]
Will I be a good king?
[King Richard]
Not really

[Young Richard]
Loved by all that I rule?

[King Richard]
Nope, sorry

[Young Richard]
Do I stand up and fight
For truth and right
And good?

[King Richard]
Let’s see now — no, no, no

[Young Richard]
Will I go on some grand adventures—

[King Richard]
Well...

[Young Richard]
With my closest, bestest chum?
[King Richard]
Not exactly

[Young Richard]
When will that day come?

[King Richard]
It’s never gonna come, is it?

[Young Richard]
Is it hopeless?

[King Richard]
Am I useless?

[Young Richard + King Richard]
Are we doomed to be completely lame?

[King Richard]
Will my star ever rise?
Will my life ever change?
Am I destined to be
Achievement-free forever?
I don’t need all my dreams to happen—
Or a bunch, or even some
Will my day ever come?