[CHEF]
If I could share my life with you
Just think how happy we'd be
We'd share our hovel built for two
Complete with vermin for three
We could while away each hopeless day
Comparing open sores
Yes, life would blow
But much less, though
If I could share mine with yours

[CHEF, GWYNNE, BOTH]
[Spoken] No, I can't. It's impossible!
If I could share my life with you
Admit it, it would be nice
We'd share one cot, one chamber pot
Plus trench mouth, tapeworms, and lice
In the freezing night
We'd cuddle tight
And sip some rancid wine
And life won't taste like human waste
If you could share yours with mine

[CHEF, GWYNNE, BOTH]
We would have a dozen kids
And maybe one won't die
And the plague
The runs
Invading Huns
Just think how time would fly
[CHEF, GWYNNE, BOTH]
If you could share your life with me
I'll cherish every foul breath
The filth
The rot
The leprosy
The painful, lingering death
Thank the Lord our life expectancy
Is merely thirty two

[CHEF, GWYNNE, BOTH]
Yes, it would be sweet misery
If I could share it with you
Yeah, it might be sweet misery
To share what's left with you