[THE GELLMANS and MR. STOPNICK]
Oh, Chanukah, oh, Chanukah
Oh, Dreidel and Menorah
We celebrate it even though
It isn't in the Torah
Talmud barely mentions it
The way they kept their candle lit
Sages in their colloquies
Say bupkes ’bout the Maccabees
And how with very little fuss
They routed King Antiochus
Antiochus! Pooh!
Who cares what all the sages say?
We celebrate it anyway
Chanukah, oh, Chanukah
From Astrakhan to Panama
All along that isthmus
We're celebrating Chanukah
Especially in America!

[GRANDMA GELLMAN]
A whole week more than Christmas!

[ROSE]
You may think it's December
But, Noah, dear, remember
Tonight is Kislev Twenty-Five
[THE ADULT GELLMANS & MR. STOPNICK]
And every single Jew alive
Oy Noahleh
Oy bubaleh
Oy vontzeleh
Oy pishkeleh
Sings happy, happy Chanukah
Especially in America!
America
America
God shed His grace on thee
Where every Jew’s a Maccabee
And crown'd thy good with brotherhood
And bade our blessings multiply

[NOAH]
Boruch ata adonai eloheinu melech ha'olam
Asher kidshanu b'mitzvotav vitzivanoo
L'hadlich ner shel Chanukah

[THE ADULT GELLMANS and MR. STOPNICK]
Mi kamocha ba-eilim Adonai
Mi kamocha ne-e-dar ba-ko-desh
No-ra t'hilot o-se fe-le
No-ra t'hilot o-se fe-le
Omayn
[CAROLINE]
Give that liver salad a toss
And watch the goose
Don't let it dry
Spoon them jars of applesauce
And put them pancakes in the fry
If you don’t fry ’em right away
They start turning grey

[NOAH]
Know why they're fried in chicken fat?

[EMMIE]
To crisp ’em up

[CAROLINE]
Noah, scat!
You's bothering us, you's underfoot

[NOAH]
To symbolize the Temple Oil

[CAROLINE]
Dot, don't let the gravy boil
Noah, scoot, I got no use for you tonight
[EMMIE]
How about the goose? Does that mean something?

[NOAH]
That’s just food

[ROSE]
Noah, out! It's very rude
To bother people when they're busy
You aren't needed in here
Is he?

[CAROLINE]
No, he ain't

[ROSE]
Go on, don't pout
Go on, out, and see our friends
He never listens!

[MR. STOPNICK]
The South is in a mighty frenzy

[ROSE]
Time to bring the latkes out!
Noah, tell them food is coming

[MR. STOPNICK]
Wait and see! The old world's ending!
Negroes marching! Change is coming!
Down with the filthy capitalist chazzerim!

[ROSE]
Come and visit with Grandpa Stopnick
All the way from New York City

[MR. STOPNICK]
Just like we predicted back in the 30s
All the Negroes got to do now
Is stop this nonsense about nonviolence

[GRANDMA & GRANDPA GELLMAN]
Scary, scary
Such a tzimmes
Negroes in Louisiana
Aren't like in Mississippi
Not as mad as Alabama
Anyway, is this the way
To talk on Erev Chanukah?
Let's not dwell on ugly things
Let's thank God for the joys He brings
Watch the colored candles melt
Spin the dreidel for Chanukah Gelt
Let's be merry, let's be funny

[GRANDMA GELLMAN]
Noah, look!

[GRANDPA GELLMAN]
It's chocolate money!

[GRANDMA & GRANDPA GELLMAN]
Let's wish our Negro neighbors well

[MR. STOPNICK]
And may Bull Connor roast in hell

[THE GELLMANS AND MR. STOPNICK]
Bull Connor! Pooh!

[GRANDMA & GRANDPA GELLMAN]
But tonight, let's just forget

[GRANDMA GELLMAN]
Stuart, play your clarinet