[Intro: Tiffany Tynes as Nicki Minaj]
Yo B
You ready to make a video that no one will ever see
Cause your man won't put it on YouTube?

[Hook 1: Glozell as Beyonce]
This video looks like a bunch of bad home movies
Can you believe I'm the same person who once made Single Ladies?
That vid had class, this vid is just ass thanks to Jay-Z
This keyboard loop sounds like it was made by a baby

[Verse 1: Nicki Minaj & Cartrell Daniels as Jay-Z]
This video's not posted on YouTube
If you wanna see it you have to
Log on to Tidal and subscribe too
Hey, how come we still at ZERO VIEWS!?!?
If fans will not pay for music
I'll force them to do it
By making' this vid an exclusive
Dammit, Jay-Z, are you that STUPID!?
Who would pay twenty bucks
Just to see me shake my fake butt?
I do that in every vid, who gives a fuck?
Dude, your plan sucks!
Maybe, but it's just not fair
That music is stolen and file shared
I just don't understand why the fans don't care
About us poor pop star millionaires
[Hook: Brendan Holmes as YouTube, Tai Brown as Spotify & Jay-Z]
Jay-Z, why do you hate us so much?
You're my rivals
But no one wants your shitty service
Don't you dare insult Tidal!
We are both free, you only have a month free trial! (Ha-ha!)
You're overpriced, Plus who the hell wants uncompressed files!!!?! (Hov!)

[Post-Hook: Beyoncé]
We're in a kiddy pool in this scene
But no one knows that cause no one has seen this video
No one's gonna pay twenty bucks for a video, Jay-Z
Tidal sucks!

[Verse 2: Nicki Minaj]
This song is weak, it's not unique
Just another song 'bout how I'm a sex freak
It's clear that the title refers to masturbation
That's why I do this move, meant to be simulation
All my lyrics are the same, I just talk about getting laid
And how some guy I said big dick well for havin' such a small frame
That drives my male friends insane, that includes Drake and Lil Wayne
That's why after they watch my vids in their boxers, there's a wet stain
Ew!

[Hook: Bart Baker as Executive & Jay-Z]
We've got bad news, Tidal is bankrupt, kiss it bye bye!
How can that be, I pushed it so hard
I'm sorry, Jay-Z, nice try
I feel so bad, I lost all my cash, I'm gonna cry!
I just need to see the one i love, my dear sweet wife!
[Video Skit: Jay-Z & Beyoncé]
B?
(Shows Beyonce having sex with YouTube and Spotify)
How could you do this to yo boy, Hov?
Yo, Jay-Z, i can't be married to a hip-hop mogul turned bankrupt startup failure
We through
These my new husbands now
TIDAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLL!!!!!

[Video Outro: Jay-Z & Citizens]
"With my pants down screamin'
Now money is a fad!"
Fuckin' Beyoncé
I can't believe this
Ey, yo, yo, got some cha--
Hey, go fuck yourself!
What the fuck?
Yo, lemme get some change, bro!
No, get a job!
Well, fuck you then!
Yo yo, stop real quick, dawg, lemme get somethin'
Eat shit, bum!
Goddamnit, man, i can't
It's still gon' work, i still got hope fo' it
Tidal is still gon' work, it's still gon' work!
And Beyoncé, she coming' back
I'ma get that ass again
I'ma get that ass again, yo, fuck
"With my pants down screamin'
Now MONEY IS A FAAAAAAD!"
Fuck!