[Intro]

[Verse 1: Dave Hemingway]
If we crawl at 2
We could crawl at 22
And grovel at
The drop of a hat

And once they've got you down there
It's so hard to re-straighten your back
If we crawl at two
We could crawl at 102

[Pre-Chorus: Hemingway]
And the target brainless don't quite reach
Covered so kindly in your opening speech
Is a tiny crab of thought, crab of thought
On a sideways beach

Let lessons not the pupils teach
Justice not the lessers breach
And maggots not have fingers
Wagged at by leech

[Chorus: Jacqui Abbott & Hemingway]
Well, I made sure
I wrote this song in braille
So you could touch the words
The words that sail
From my mouth back to the jail
You could touch the words that sail
From the mouth back to the jail
That is posing as tongue

[Verse 2: Hemingway]
Curtsies, bows, 'Thank you, sir's
And the wearing of a business suit
Lead to complaints of backache
And end with a Nazi salute

And once they've got you down there
It's so hard to re-straighten your back
If we crawl at 2
We could crawl at 222

[Pre-Chorus: Hemingway]
And the target brainless don't quite reach
Covered so kindly in your opening speech
Is a tiny crab of thought, crab of thought
On a sideways beach

Let lessons not the pupils teach
Justice not the lessers breach
And maggots not have fingers
Wagged at by leech
[Chorus: Abbott & Hemingway]
Well, I made sure
I wrote this song in braille
So you could touch the words
The words that sail

From my mouth back to the jail
You could touch the words that sail
From the mouth back to the jail
That is posing as tongue

[Outro: Hemingway]
If we crawl at 2
We could crawl at 22
If we crawl at 2
We could crawl at 22