Hey, you were standing by the screen door slamming
Rather clear what's taking place
You were holding onto Louie
He was packin', he was heavy
That plastic handle just about to break
Well then you picked up Chloe
She knew y'all were going
She started barking like a tank
I was shocked and I was joking
But I will not be lonely
Cause I got Jim and Jack and Hank

Take your string bikinis, your apple martinis
Take what's left there in the bank
Take your flat iron and your curlers
Your sparkling water and that damn perfume I never liked
Take your black Mercedes, all that stuff for ladies
To me you're just a total blank
Go on and leave me baby, I don't need you
I got Jim and Jack and Hank

Well now you left screaming and your tires screeching
That little dog right in your lap
I became a little sad and called up my ol' dad
He said, "Son you just woke me from my nap"
I told him you had left me
He said, "Son now don't you hate me
You know exactly what I think
You know you're better off, you can fish and you can golf
You still got Jim and Jack and Hank"
Take your string bikinis, your apple martinis
Take what's left there in the bank
Take your flat iron and your curlers
Your sparkling water and that damn perfume I never liked
Take your black Mercedes, all that stuff for ladies
To me you're just a total blank
Go on and leave me baby, I don't need you
I got Jim and Jack and Hank, that's right

So I got out the whiskey and I began to listen to the songs
Out in my truck you couldn't crank
I started feeling empty, then again it hit me
I've got Jim and Jack and Hank

Take your string bikinis, your apple martinis
Take what's left there in the bank
Take your flat iron and your curlers
Your sparkling water and that damn perfume I never liked
Take your black Mercedes, all that stuff for ladies
To me you're just a total blank
Go on and leave me baby, I don't need you
I got Jim and Jack and Hank

Yeah now, go on and leave me baby
I don't need you
I got Jim and Jack and Hank
That's right, you go ahead, I'll be A-OK, cause I got Jose
Captain Morgan, not to mention ol' Old George and Tammy
And Loretta, Merle, Willie Nelson, Big John Cash
How about old Jimmy Buffett?
Bring him in there when that sun's shining
George Strait, an old friend
Can't forget Hank Jr. and all his rowdy friends
I'm gonna clean out the whole closet baby
Oh yeah
Goodbye