[Interlude: Rhett and Link]
I am a thoughtful guy. I think about a lot of things
I am a thoughtful guy. I think a lot of thoughts; about a lot of things

[Verse 1: Rhett and Link]
I think about space and the vastness of it
I think about cake and how much I love it
I think about if Walmart is good or evil
I think tattoos are cool on other people
I think about the unexplored depths of the ocean
I think about the difference in ointment and lotion
I think about if I should wax my back
I think a handful of nuts is a healthy snack

[Interlude: Link]
I am a thoughtful guy
Right now I'm thinking about the millions of microorganisms living on my body
It's like I'm a mothership, a 100% male mothership

[Verse 2: Rhett and Link]
I think about how I could get on the local news
If I strolled into a McDonald's and stripped down n***
I think about a hotdog while I'm eating it
But then I pause, 'cause I'm thinking about its ingredients
I think about the first guy who ever shaved
And how many times did he shave before the second guy caved?
I think about if a friend were choking on ice
“Just be patient” would be the best advice
I think about that moment when I'm drifting off to sleep
And then my body jerks and I'm falling suddenly
I wonder if that's a defense mechanism for something
Like when you're sleeping on a cliff, or just top-bunking
Sometimes I think how old guys like to whittle
And how if I start now and just whittle a little
My whittling skills will hone before I get old
And I'll pwn all my friends at the retirement home
I think of all the places that a penny has been
Like, seriously, think of all the places that a penny's been in
It could've been in the pocket of the President's suit
But it's probably also been in some toddler's poop
'Cause little kids eat pennies like they're Flintstone Vitamins
Accruing no interest while traveling inside of 'em
Re-entering circulation might boost the economy
But I'd rather not pay with a penny that's performed a colonoscopy
I think that our universe is really one of many
With many parallel me's, stretching to infinity
Doing activities, similarly to me
Yet, at the same time, done slightly differently
And seemingly, right now, they could be
Thinking this same thought as me
Well, a similar thought, but not the same thought exactly
That's pretty deep
[Interlude: Rhett]
I am a thoughtful guy
Right now, I'm thinking about the people who invented words
Did they just look at stuff and say the first thing that came to their mind?
And if so, how do you explain duffle bag?

[Verse 3: Rhett and Link]
I think how do I know that you and me
See the same colors the same way when you and me see?
Is my red blue for you, or my green your green, too?
Could it be true we see differing hues?
And say we do, then how would we discover this fact?
And even if we did, would there even be any impact?
I don't think this would affect us personally
But I think it would have ripple effects throughout the interior design industry
I think about if I was turned into an ant
I'd want my loved ones to know, so I thought of a plan
I'd gather twigs and leaves and write my name on the ground
Then I'd wait for my family and friends to crowd around
But now I'm thinking, that when they saw it
They'd think the human me wrote it and an ant was crawling on it
Then not realizing the ant me was really the real me
In a strange twist of fate, I think they'd probably kill me

[Outro: Rhett & Link]
I am a thoughtful guy
I am a thoughtful guy
And right now, I'm thinking about what if I was abducted by aliens while I had a really bad farmer's tan
The aliens might incorrectly conclude that our species was two-toned
That's exactly what I thought. And then somehow, through this error, my tan lines saved the human race
I like that thought
Yeah, I think a lot of thoughts like that
Me too