[Verse 1: Rhett]
Ever since I was a boy
I've been afraid of clowns
Their horrifying faces
Never failed to bring me down
The only thing more scary
Are sharks deep in the sea
I couldn't touch a swimming pool
Until I was twenty-three

[Verse 2: Rhett]
Still every night I thank
Each of the stars up in the sky
There's no such thing as clown sharks
Out there to make me cry
A world without that nightmare
Is a world where I can be
Happy and relaxed in an endless state of peace—

[Chorus: Clown Shark (Link) & Rhett]
CLOWN SHARK!!!
I'm real, I'm here, I'm worse than you feared!
I can juggle five balls and then swallow a deer!
I'm coming for you from the hell depths beneath!
I got pancake makeup and razor sharp teeth!
I use big clown shoes to chase you on land!
I crush cars with my jaws and giant fun hands!
Oh no, please tell me that this is a trick!
Do I look like I'm joking? Just pray you die quick!
[Verse 3: Rhett]
Did that really just happen?
It couldn't have been real
No creatures wanted to honk horns
And then eat a seal
There's no such thing as clown sharks
Those are just the facts
I'm calming down inside
And I can finally rela—

[Chorus: Clown Shark (Link)]
CLOWN SHARK!!!
I'm scarier than ever, it's time for you to panic!
My rainbow wig makes me more aerodynamic!
I got big floppy pants and black eyes in my head!
Here's a funny balloon shaped like you being dead!
I use my sense of smell to locate you in the park!
And I drove here in a Miata filled with fifteen other sharks!
My jolly red nose is smelling blood in the water!
So step right up for a feeding frenzy CIRCUS OF SLAUGHTER!!!

[Outro: Rhett & Clown Shark (Link)]
Thank goodness… it was only a- CLOWN SHARK!!!