I'll write just what you say anyway that you want
And when it comes to arguing, I'm a savant
I need money
You need me to make a stir
Rent my fingers
I'll throw in a Pulitzer

You need someone with talent and passion and brains
You need someone with newspaper ink in their veins
My coffee cup has lipstick stains, but
Brother, I'm your man

Anything you need done, I'm the one for the job
You want corny? I'll type it right off of the cob
Use my column. Any topic, take your pick
I can slalom back and forth on rhetoric

You need someone who crosses her legs and her T's
I'm so quick that I've got my own personal breeze
I've got high heels and two of these, but
Brother, I'm your man

One day you will regret this, dick
You could have had me for cheap
You'll say, "Anne, please forget this"
But I'll say find a bridge and take a flying leap!
You want fireworks? I'll give you the Fourth of July
Lots of luck finding somebody better than I
Who could do it? Maybe Dorothy Parker's free
Chief, you blew it. She ain't got a thing on me!

Front page headline reads "Mitchell will land on her feet."
Come tomorrow, some editor's in for a treat
Just say the word and that's my beat
Brother, I'm your man
Watch out New York, here comes Anne!