Their headlight glistening off the greasy seats
An old man nurses his blooming onion at the bar
Satan's waitin’ in the bathroom, taking a pee
No matter the urinal you choose, he's standing next to you

And if I stay here, my heart will explode
Just like my shrimp volcano
And if I leave now, I'm might trail off
Just like the way we golden in...

The Aussie waiter’s been here so long
He's forgotten subtleties of his accent
You find a list of healthy recipes discarded in the parking lot
Along with a Carrabba's, and a DSW, and an infrequently frequented Michael's

And if I stay here, I'm at a loss
There's no fight in me, but there's so much in this sauce
And if I leave now, will I last
Were these rhetorical questions ever...

Ooh, I've gotta get this off my chest
Ooh, I’d like the big fat bacon mess

[Background Conversation]