[Intro: Wordsplayed]
Oh, heh, heh. Hello everyone. Season's greetings. You got here just in time. The mulled wine is almost ready, the tree is up, the stockings are stuffed, and my Facebook post about Merry Christmas vs. Happy Holidays has started a thoughtful discussion about... "Post here one more time and I will burn your house down you liberal freak" *record scratch* Heh, heh. Excuse me. People all over the world are making the pilgrimage back home to wait for St. Nick, explain to their parents why they only visit once a year, and track down those pesky pesky gift receipts. Babe, you should've just gotten me a gift card. Oh, what's this? Looks like Andrew is home for the holidays. Let's how he likes to celebrate the twelve days of Christmas

[Intro part 2: Andy Mineo]
Hey grandma, hey
Oh, hello
How are you?
It's been so long
It has, one year
I'm glad you came to visit me
Absolutely
Why don't you sit down and I'll show you the gifts I got you
You gon like 'em

[Verse: Andy Mineo]
If you love your grandma then raise eggnog with me
Her gifts are full of love, a little lot of touch
But she's amazing and she's got some bad knees (help her get off the couch)
On the first day of Christmas my grandma bought for me
Axe body spray, I don't mess with that
I'm not in high school and I rock with Old Spice (the best)
On the second day of Christmas my grandma bought for me
A pair of cotton gloves from the dollar store, nasty cologne samples
And this lowkey fresh Mickey Mouse tee (it's kinda fire though)
On the third day of Christmas my grandma bought for me
A hundred pack of pencils
I ain't been to school in ten years, plus we all got cellphones
(I use the note section)
On the fourth day of Christmas my grandma bought for me
One home drug test kit, Shake Weight, that's disgusting
What you think about me?
Please stop asking when I'll get my degree (I already got it)
[Outro]
I don't have any more days of Christmas after that
Well, I don't any gifts left
We don't even celebrate four days
That's just the number of days that leftover's last
You want some leftovers?
Who in the world has twelve days of Christmas?
I don't know
Where did we even get that from?
The Jews only get eight
I mean, we get an extra four
Someone, someone do your Googles
What's a Google?