[DOUG, spoken]
That was the love ballad!

[BUD, spoken]
But Doug, what is a love ballad?

[DOUG, spoken]
Well, people like me and Bud call a song like that the "I want" song
Because Helvetica wants Gutenberg

[BUD, spoken]
But the real question is:
Does Gutenberg know that?

[DOUG, spoken]
I don't think so

[BUD, spoken]
How could he not?

[DOUG, spoken]
But now it’s time to meet the bad guys
The town Monk and his henchman, Young Monk!

[BUD, spoken]
Ooh! Watch out! Rrreow!
[DOUG, spoken]
Scene three, the church on the hill
The roof is made of dirty thatch
In the corner, there is a large Bible
And on this wall, there's a vеlvet painting of Jesus crying
Monk, an evil man, who hatеs God

[BUD, as MONK, spoken]
Dbhalahanha!

[DOUG, spoken]
Is sitting at his desk, sharpening a pencil
He is very good at it

[BUD, spoken]
His henchman, Young Monk, enters

[DOUG, as YOUNG MONK, spoken]
Monk, look!
I found a cat in the alley

[BUD, as MONK, spoken]
Give him to me
Ooh, pretty kitty!
I shall name you: Satan
[DOUG, as YOUNG MONK, opens the bible in the corner.]

[BUD, as MONK, spoken]
Young Monk
What are you doin' over there by that Bible?

[DOUG, as YOUNG MONK, spoken]
Oh, I’m just teaching myself how to read
In the bidgending—

[BUD, as MONK, spoken]
Get him, Satan!

[BUD imitates SATAN, meowing.]

[DOUG, as YOUNG MONK, spoken]
Ahh! Ah, ah, ah, ah!

[BUD, as MONK, spoken]
See what happens when you try to learn how to read?
Now, let's try this again:
Young Monk
What are you doin' over there by that Bible?

[DOUG, as YOUNG MONK, spoken]
Nothing!
[DOUG, as YOUNG MONK, closes the Bible.]

[BUD, as MONK, spoken]
That's right
As long as I'm the Monk
No one in this town is gonna learn to read
That way the Bible says whatever I says it says!
Unless, of course, someone were to make a machine

[SATAN meows loudly.]

[BUD, as MONK, spoken]
That prints books
And then printed up immense copies of the Bible
And then distributed them to the masses!

[DOUG, as YOUNG MONK, spoken]
You're hurting Satan!

[BUD, as MONK, spoken]
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no
I don't wanna hurt Satan
No, I love Satan
Yes, I do
I love Satan
I love Satan!