[MISS STRICT, spoken]
It was years ago -- I blush to say how many...
My mother was horribly upset with me for dating a boy from the wrong side of the tracks. But would I listen to her? No!
I was a spunky spit-fire, much like you, Toffee!
And on prom night, when the other girls ran off to the dance in their white gloves and laquered hair, I ran off like a common tramp... With this boy, this demon!
[EDDIE, spoken]
I remember it like it was yesterday!
[MISS STRICT, spoken]
That's right!
If I couldn't go to the prom with Eddie, I wasn't going at all
So, I snuck out that night during Jack Benny and met up with Eddie at the USO. He'd just dropped out of his school and joined the Navy, that was to be his last night in town. So we drove around all night, and ended up parking off Old Highway Three between the Burma-Shave signs. I'll never forget it!
Five minutes of sweaty, sordid paradise had ruined my life forever!
[BOYS]
Five minutes?
[EDDIE]
I was young -- I was very young!
[MISS STRICT, spoken]
Eddie was shipping out, how could I say no?
You see I will always remember the night I missed my senior prom, Toffee... Because that is the night my child was conceived!
(sung)
When my parents learned the truth
They had me secreted away
To a home for unwed mothers
In the wilds of Santa Fe
There I sat in abject misery
Rejected and forelorn
Then they took my child away from me
The minute it was born!
[MISS STRICT, spoken]
I lost everything: my boyfriend, my child, and worst of all, I lost my innocence!
[GINGER, spoken]
Oh, the shame!
[MISS STRICT, spoken]
Thank you, Ginger
(sung)
My just desserts as you'd expect
For shunning the ways of
Rules, regulations, and...
[MISS STRICT & KIDS]
Respect
[KIDS, spoken]
...Ugh!
[MISS STRICT, spoken]
Don't you see?
Nothing good comes from being bad, Toffee!
It took me years to live my past down, and so help me, I won't let you make the same mistakes!
So come on, Corpse Boy! You're a'going bye-bye!
You're late for an appointment in hell, and I'm taking you there myself, if I have to!
[EDDIE, spoken]
I wouldn't do that if I were you!
[MISS STRICT, spoken]
Oh, yeah?
[EDDIE, spoken]
Yeah!
[MISS STRICT, spoken]
Why not?
[EDDIE, spoken]
Because, tossing Jonny out of here would be your biggest mistake yet!
[MISS STRICT, spoken]
You're mad, Flagrante!
[EDDIE, spoken]
You'd never be able to live with yourself, having thrown out YOUR OWN SON!
[VARIOUS SCREAMS]
[MISS STRICT, spoken]
Jonny? ...My baby? My own rotting flesh and blood? But, but, how did you find this out?
[EDDIE, spoken]
I did a little digging. I knew from the get-go that you were holding out on me about something...
(sung)
I could see it in your eyes
That you were lying through your teeth
And this nose I have for news
Could smell the story underneath
And with Jonny here
I only had to look beneath the goo
And it suddenly was clear
He was the son I never knew!
[JONNY, spoken]
Dad!
[EDDIE, spoken]
After that, it was easy: a few well-greased palms, a couple of soon-to-be-broken promises, and I had my proof. Case closed!
[MISS STRICT, spoken]
Oh, Jonny... I suppose this changes everything!
[JONNY, spoken]
But I'm still dead...
[MISS STRICT, spoken]
Oh, details, details! Maybe I'm the one who needs to change
...How 'bout it? Give me another chance, Jonny!
Maybe I can be the mother you never knew! And hey, hey, what's say we throw you a big fancy funeral, huh? We'll do it up right!
[JONNY, spoken]
Oh, uh, I don't know...
[MISS STRICT, spoken]
Ice cream... any flavor you want!
[JONNY, spoken]
And cake? Oh, can I have cake?
[MISS STRICT, spoken]
Oh, anything for mommy's little corpse! Now how about giving your dear old mother a great big hug?
[MISS STRICT & JONNY, spoken]
Oh!
[MISS STRICT & JONNY embrace.]
[EDDIE, spoken]
God, I love my job! Mother and son reunited! And... Daddy makes three?
[MISS STRICT, spoken]
What?
[EDDIE, spoken]
How bout it, Delilah?
One big nuclear family!
[MISS STRICT, spoken]
Oh, Eddie!
[MISS STRICT & EDDIE]
My forbidden love!
[ALL]
Aww... ew!
[The KIDS grimace as MISS STRICT and EDDIE kiss.]
