[VOICEOVER, spoken]
This is the national broadcasting network!

[STAGE MANAGER, spoken]
Camera two, go!

[RAMONA & MOTORWISE SINGERS]
Come join us for the show, folks!
Come join us for a tale of calamity!
Come join us for the scoop!

[RAMONA & MOTORWISE SINGERS]
It's no surprise the world relies
(Ooh)
Upon the guys from Motorwise!
(Ooh)

[RAMONA & MOTORWISE SINGERS]
Come along and join us!

[RAMONA, spoken]
Te quiero, America!

[RAMONA & MOTORWISE SINGERS]
Come join us for the glow, folks!
Resulting from a nuclear tragedy!
Come join us in the goop!
[RAMONA & MOTORWISE SINGERS]
This high school goo is brought to you
(Ooh)
By all those who wear...
(Ooh)

[MOTORWISE SINGERS]
Green and blue!

[RAMONA & MOTORWISE SINGERS]
Come along and join us --
Tonight!

[STAGE MANAGER, spoken]
Camera three, go!

[EDDIE]
Jonny Warner, age eighteen
Tell us of this age old scene:
Boy meets girl
Boy gets dumped
Boy then takes a headlong dive

Leaving all the critics stumped
Boy comes back from death alive!
Girl's upset, boy's perplexed
No one knows what happens next
Seems his happy ending
Is, uh, pending!
[STAGE MANAGER, spoken]
Camera two, go!

[RAMONA & MOTORWISE SINGERS]
Now Jonny's feeling low, folks
Returned, he's found his life's a catastrophe
He's landed in the soup

[RAMONA & MOTORWISE SINGERS]
His love is true for you-know-who
(Ooh)
As ours is, too, for
(Ooh)

[RAMONA & MOTORWISE SINGERS]
Serving you!
Come along and join us --
Tonight!

[STAGE MANAGER, spoken]
Camera three, go!

[EDDIE]
So you say your girl's in a stew, Jonny boy
Put off by your toxic veneer
So you say it's probably through, Jonny boy
But where do you go from here?
Where do you go from here?
[JONNY, spoken]
Well...

[STAGE ANNOUNCER, spoken]
We'll be back for that answer right after this brief commercial message! And here's Ramona Merengue with a word from True Blue Cigarettes -- now with breath-freshening menthol!

[STAGE MANAGER, spoken]
Camera two, go!

[RAMONA, EDDIE & STAGE MANAGER]
True Blue
Only one nickel a box
True Blue
(Psst! Hey, sweetheart, I need you to do me a favor. You know this place?)
("Our Lady of Divine Masochism?")
Filtered for your health
(Yeah, it's a Catholic orphanage. I need the phone number.)
(What do I look like, your errand boy? Do it yourself.)
There's nothing like a True Blue smoke!

[RAMONA, spoken]
I love a True Blue...
(cough)
... Man!

[EDDIE]
So the question, Mr. Warner
Now that push has come to shove
Should you go on chasing dreams
Or should you say good-bye to love?