[Round 1: Nicole Richie]
I'm 'bout to battle James Corden, I don't wanna be vague
He's the worst British export since the Plague
Congrats, James, Drop the Mic is your show
You asked to rap every week and TBS said, "No"
A king of late night, top dog at 12:30
You always go viral, but so does herpes
I'ma be mean, because I can't be a phony
And you'll fuck up this battle like you fucked up the Tonys

[Round 1: James Corden]
It's Nicole Richie, a blast from the past
Her claim to fame was kissing Paris Hilton's ass
Ten million people watched you two milk a cow
In case you're wondering why terrorists hate us now
I asked to battle Nicole, and I think I got my wish
But answer me one question: which Pokémon is this?
And while we're on the subject, let me give you some advice
Let me drop the mic, go live the simple life

[Round 2: Nicole Richie]
He's one of the richest British people around
I mean, look at him, he really does pack on the pounds
You're a teddy bear who's filled with joy
You look like a young boy who ate another young boy
I'm happy for you, James, I just want you to know
I think it's great they gave an Oompa Loompa his own show
Ya know something, James? You really are the worst
And I liked your show better when Jimmy Fallon did it first
[Round 2: James Corden]
When I walk into parties, I light up the room
And you're about to get served with your own silver spoon
You think you'll beat me today? Ha, yeah, sure
I do karaoke in my car, you have a breathalyzer in yours
I saw you drive the wrong side of the road on TV
And my first thought was "Damn, is she more British than me?"
Your kids are named Harlow and Sparrow, stop it
Are you trying to start a family or open a Hot Topic?

[Round 3: Nicole Richie]
I gotta be honest, I'm surprised that you're married
After all those threesomes with Ben & Jerry
Speaking of married, I feel sorry for his wife
He's in the movie Trolls, and he looks like one in real life
You're gross, mate, I wish I never had to see ya
Where'd they find you in the UK, Bridget Jones' diarrhea?
Been here forever, you're new to the scene
Brexit for Britain and bow to the real queen

[Round 3: James Corden]
Let's thank Nicole for the phrase "That's hot"
If you wonder what she smells like, that's pot
VH1 cancelled you, I gotta know the reason
'Cause remember, they gave Flavor of Love three seasons
Your new show's called Great News, how inspired
My great news would be if you just retired
Someone call Lionel, 'cause I got a feeling
She'll end up destroyed while I'm
[James Corden singing]
Dancin' on the ceilin'
Oh, what a feelin'
When you're dancin' on the feelin'
Tam bo li de say de moi ya
Hey Jambo Jambo
Everybody, oh ba lo
Oh, jambali