[Intro]
"Or Eminem has a full line of chainsaws
"Eminem, Eminem, Eminem, Eminem
Eminem, Eminem"
"Marshall Mathers, Eminem, the rapper Eminem"
"Who can say for sure?
Perhaps a frontal lobotomy would be the answer
If science could operate on this distorted brain
And put it to good use, society would reap a great benefit"

[Verse 1]
I walk around like a space cadet, place your bets
Who's likely to become a serial killer? Case of Tourettes
Fuck, fuck, fuck, can't take the stress
I make a mess as the day progresses
Angry and take it out on the neighbors' hedges
Like this is how I'll cut your face up, bitches, with these hedge-trimmin' scissors with razor edges
Imagination's dangerous, it's the only way to escape this mess
And make the best of this situation, I guess
'Cause I feel like a little bitch, this predicament's
Despicable, I'm sick of just gettin' pushed, it's ridiculous
I look like a frickin' wuss, a pussy
This kid just took my stick of licorice
And threw my sticker books in a picker bush
I wanna kick his tush, but I was six and shook
This fucker was twelve and was six foot, with a vicious hook
He hit me, I fell, I got back up, all I did was book
Now there's usin' your head, momma always said
[Chorus]
"If you had a brain, you'd be dangerous
A brain, you'd be dangerous" (I'ma prove you wrong)
Momma, I'ma grow one day to be famous
And I'ma be a pain in the anus (I'ma be the bomb)
I'ma use my head as a weapon
Find a way to escape this insaneness (Momma always said)
"Son, if you had a brain, you'd be dangerous"
Guess it pays to be brainless

[Verse 2]
Fast forward some years later, a teenager; this is fun, sweet
I just got jumped twice in one week, it's complete
It's usually once a month, this is some feat I've accomplished
They've stomped me into the mud, gee
For what reason you stumped me?
But how do you get the shit beat out of you, beat down
And be upbeat when you don't have nothing?
No valid shot at life, chance to make it or succeed
'Cause you're doomed from the start
It's like you grew up on Jump Street, from jump street
But if I could just get my head out my ass
I could accomplish any task, practicin' trash-talkin' in a trance
Locked in my room, yeah, but I got some plans, momma
These damn rhymes are fallin' out of my pants pocket, I can't stop it!
And I'm startin' to blend in more, in school this shit helps for sure
I'm gettin' more self-assured than I've ever been before
Plus no one picks on me anymore
I done put a stop to that, threw my first punch, end of story
Still, in my skull’s a vacant empty void, been usin' it more as a bin for storage
Take some inventory: in this gourd, there's a Ford engine, door
Hinge, syringe, an orange, an extension cord, and a ninja sword
Not to mention four linchpins, an astringent stored
Ironin' board, a bench, a wrench, a ore winch, an attention whore
Everything but a brain, but dome's off the fuckin' chain
Like an independent store, something's wrong with my head
Just think if I had a brain in it, thank God that I don't
'Cause I'd probably be Dahmer, 'cause Momma always said
[Chorus]
"If you had a brain, you'd be dangerous
A brain, you'd be dangerous" (I'ma prove you wrong)
Momma, I'ma grow one day to be famous
And I'ma be a pain in the anus (I'ma be the bomb)
I'ma use my head as a weapon
Find a way to escape this insaneness (Momma always said)
"Son, if you had a brain, you'd be dangerous"
Guess it pays to be brainless

[Bridge]
Now my mom goes wahm-wahm-wahm
'Cause I'm not that smart, but I'm not dumb
I was on the bottom of the pile, gettin' stomped
But somehow I came out on top

[Verse 3]
I told you one day, I said they'd have that red carpet rolled out, yo
I'm nice, y'all, fuck it, I'm out cold, now everywhere I go
They scream out, "Go!", I'm 'bout to clean house, yo
I'm Lysol, now I'm just household
Outsold the sell-outs, freak the hell out Middle America
Hear 'em yell out in terror, they were so scared, and those kids
Just about belted out whatever spouted
Or fell out my smart aleck mouth, it was so weird
Inappropriate? So be it, I don't see it
Maybe one day when the smoke clears, it won't be as
Motherfuckin' difficult, yeah
'Til then, hopefully you little homos get over your fears and phobias
It's okay to be scared straight, they said I provoke queers
'Til emotions evoke tears, my whole career's
A stroke of sheer genius, smoke and mirrors, tactical, practical jokes, yeah
You motherfuckin'— insert insult here
Who the fuck woulda thunk that one little ole MC'd
Be able to take the whole culture and reupholster it?
And boy, they did flock; can't believe this little hick locked
This hip-hop shit in his hip pocket, and still the shit got
That white-trash traffic in gridlock, shit hoppin' like six blocks
From a Kid Rock/Insane Clown Posse concert in mid-Oc-
-tober, and God forbid I see a wizard
And get a brain in my titanium cranium, y'all
'Cause I'll turn into the Unabomber, Momma always said—
[Chorus]
"If you had a brain, you'd be dangerous
A brain, you'd be dangerous" (I'ma prove you wrong)
Momma, I'ma grow one day to be famous
And I'ma be a pain in the anus (I'ma be the bomb)
I'ma use my head as a weapon
Find a way to escape this insaneness (Momma always said)
"Son, if you had a brain, you'd be dangerous"
Guess it pays to be brainless

[Outro]
"Insaneness" ain't even a word, you stupid fuck!
Neither is "ain't"