[Verse 1: Alex Turner]
Fake tales of San Francisco
Echo through the room
More point to a wedding disco
Without a bride or groom
And there's a super cool band, yeah
With their trilbies and their glasses of white wine
And all the weekend rockstars are in the toilets
Practicing their lines

[Chorus: Alex Turner, Matt Helders]
I don't want to hear you (Kick me out, kick me out)
I don't want to hear you, no (Kick me out, kick me out)
I don't want to hear you (Kick me out, kick me out)
I don't want to hear you, I don't want to hear your

[Verse 2: Alex Turner]
Fake tales of San Francisco
Echo through the air
And there's a few bored faces at the back, all
Wishin' they weren't there
And as the microphone squeaks, a young girl's telephone beeps
Yeah, she's dashin' for the exit, oh, she's runnin' to the streets outside
"Oh, you've saved me," she screams down the line
"The band were fuckin' wank and I'm not havin' a nice time"
[Chorus: Alex Turner, Matt Helders]
I don't want to hear you (Kick me out, kick me out)
I don't want to hear you, no (Kick me out, kick me out)

[Post-Chorus: Alex Turner]
Yeah, but his bird said it's amazing though, so all that's left
Is the proof that love's not only blind, but deaf

[Bridge: Alex Turner]
He talks of San Francisco, he's from Hunter's Bar
I don't quite know the distance, but I'm sure that's far
Yeah, I'm sure it's pretty far
And yeah, I'd love to tell you all my problem
You're not from New York City, you're from Rotherham
So get off the bandwagon, and put down the handbook
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

[Outro: Alex Turner, Matt Helders, Jamie Cook & Andy Nicholson]
Get off the bandwagon and put down the handbook
Get off the bandwagon and put down the handbook
Get off the bandwagon and put down the handbook
Get off the bandwagon and put down the handbook, yeah