[Verse 1: Example]
She looked better in her MySpace profile, no smile
Looking to the ground all obscure and docile
Her hair was quite cool but her clothes were not
Suppose we're all looking better when we're photoshopped
She said "damn you're so much buffer in the flesh, you know?
Would you sign my dress and all my CDs? Your show was well professional
Say you ain't forgotten me from Nottingham, Thursday
I'm really fucking loving you but not in a nerd way"

[Verse 2: Scroobius Pip]
Now let me tell the tale of my very first stalker
Not a lady but a man called Damian Walker
I get a six foot bloke with a bad crew cut
While others get hot girls that just want to
Damian on MySpace will message me each day
After a week there became very little left to say
Then he said "we should maybe meet up at the show
I've gotta show you something you're gonna love, I just know"

[Hook: Example (Scroobius Pip) x2]
She followed me home, she followed me home
She's seen me once and now she'll never leave me alone
(Don't follow me, no, don't follow me, no)
(If I see you at a show, I'll grab my mic and I'll go)
[Verse 3: Example]
Then she pulls out her ticket stubs, shoves them in my hand
I say "yeah, that's wicked love, you really are a fan"
She'd seen me with Hadouken!, The Rifles and The Streets
Clearly she was eager but she still seemed sweet
She said "ok, Mr Gleave, can you sign my dress?"
But as I went to write my name, she pulled out her breast
I stared at her tit and then froze
She had a tattoo of my face with her nipple in the middle as my nose

[Verse 4: Scroobius Pip]
That's an opening line that'll make you shiver
Then a week later you find your corpse washed up on a river
I didn't wanna read on but I had no choice
So now I read each line in a more menacing voice
He said "you see, I've got your lyrics tattooed on my hip
Now that proves, I'm the number one fan of you, Pip
I'm gonna get some more done, but this time even bigger
On my neck, under the tattoo of the swastika

[Hook]

[Verse 5: Example]
Ha, ok, that's a real nice picture
I must say that I'm flattered that my head's on your tit, uh
I didn't wanna tell her but I thought she was nast and a slut
Saw her arms and I noticed some cuts
She said "ah, don't worry, the scars have faded
I tried to kill myself when I heard you had a lady"
I signed her bust, grabbed my Moby and wrote
"Shiner, call a bodyguard and get me a quote"
[Verse 6: Scroobius Pip]
He said "I love that you're a part of the rise in white rap
With Mike Skinner, Example, Plan B and Just Jack
I can understand what you say and I'm happy with that
We've made the genre our own, but we ain't giving it back"
Now was I more offended that he only liked my music cause I'm white
Or cause he seemed to think that me and Just Jack were alike?
I messaged back saying "I don't really need your props, user"
Clicked send, moved the mouse and then just clicked block user

[Hook]

Well to be fair, mine was quite fit actually, I probably would've banged her
(I don't know what you're complaining about mate, mine was a massive racist, was rubbish)