[Chorus]
Wasting away... dreaming about Pumpkin Man
The greeting card companies won't take him seriously
They don't give a damn, a damn about Pumpkin Man
I spent my life savings commissioning this rendering

[Verse]
He'll sneak into your home once the kids are asleep
And ensure that the candies are wrapped properly
Then he'll take a small taste just to prove that it's safe
And leave sopping wet pumpkin seeds all over the place

[Chorus]
Wasting my day... building the Pumpkin Man
His costume is made out of pumpkins I found in the street
They don't have the balls to put him in shopping malls
I'll die proving he has untapped marketability

[Bridge]
Sleep now, children, Pumpkin Man's
Gonna touch your candy with wet hands
He'll sneak into your room at night
Once mom & dad turn out the lights

Pumpkin Man shares pumpkin seeds
With boys & girls on every street
Pumpkin Man don't need a list
He visits each and every kid
Don't touch that candy to your face
'til Pumpkin Man has deemed it safe!

Pumpkin Man is bound to be the champion of Halloween!
The Pumpkin Man is bound to be the champion of Halloween!

[Outro]
Pumpkin Man!
Pumpkin Man!