[Verse 1]
Haters trying to steal my shine
They'll have to kill me if they think I'm missing Saturday Night Live
It's almost Elon time
But Elon's not that good at jokes so I should host and Elon should resign

[Chorus]
Let me host S&L
My brain works really well
And Dr. Scripps agrees I am in perfect health
I'll write the show myself
I'll book my own motel
I'll gloat on live TV as Mel's birds burn in hell

[Interlude]
"Apparently Bill and Melinda Gates are splitting up. Um... awkward!"

[Verse 2]
Let's not waste time on Colin Jost
In fact, let's lose the cast
I'll bust my ass and do a one-man show
I'm a multifaceted host
If you choose Elon over me
I'll start an S&L all on my own

[Chorus]
Let mе host S&L
Lorne Michaels, herе's my cell
Please don't believe the stories Grandma's boyfriend tells
I'll shoot the show myself
Your ratings will excel
You won't survive another year without my help
Let me host S&L
Or I'll start one myself
I'll gloat on live TV as Mel's birds burn in hell
Let me host S&L
Or I'll start one myself
Your show won't last another year without my help

[Outro]
"Live from Grandma's basement, it's Saturday Nick!
Featuring... Nick!
Desmond!
With musical guest... Nick!
Now here's your host... Nick!"