[Round 1: Sweeney]
I said, what’s up, legend?
Two GZs in ten years - WOO!
I got mad respect for you, son
And that first one with Flag was so expertly done
I mean, really second-to-none
Well, since then, he opened Decade, he battled The Saurus…yeah, that musta stung
‘Cause you got booked on The Wave 3 to face me
Hey, forget what they say, Steve - I think you definitely won
Shit, another irrelevant bum
See, my first GZ was vеrs’ Gravity and a clean kill
I ain’t even gеt blood on my T-shirt
It’s funny at an event called Below Zero, some guy from Kansas City got put up in a freezer
But ain’t you the King of the Midwest?
Heh…pussy, I don’t fuck wit’ you neither!
‘Cause I still smoked Gravity - BONG! - and now I gotta pull up on the leader (liter)
And you from Chicago - bro, what’s up wit’ your pizza?
That shit’s a fuckin’ travesty, Steve
Lookin’ like someone baked a kiddie pool after they packed it wit’ yeast
I mean, y’all sit down and eat that shit and leave actually, please?
Walkin’ in the restaurant like, “Yeah, I’ll take the fuckin’ mattress with cheese.”
Bro, go back to your league, No Coast
Wear an IPA and a plaid shirt, and you could make it happen
But how you runnin’ the show?
Bro, they treatin’ Human like the main attraction
So save the yappin’
‘Cause I ain’t tryna act impartial, so we gotta take it back to Marvel
‘Cause you don’t need to be a mind-reader to know X comes after Charles
But I’m gifted
For real, you wouldn’t know the life, Steve
My vacation home is where people travel the globe to sight-see
And next week, I’m out in Patagonia, sippin’ Coronas, nice breeze
‘Cause I always kept it a buck like Arizona iced tea!
You shoulda never tried me
‘Cause y’all all doin’ knife bars, and that’s great
‘Cause now I’m the only shooter left
Shit twice as fast
I got a stupid rep like I was doin’ super sets
I could put one in his nose and one in his throat
Yeah, a couple goin’ through his chest
I’ll clear this whole shit out if you think that it’s amusin’, X (Mucinex)
So I hope you do your best
‘Cause this was supposed to happen last month, but I had trouble findin’ my passport
But I appreciate you for being cool about it and not being a bad sport
But you wanted iBattle’s most popular Kevin
And…well, they wanted the one with the peacoat and the hat more
So when you sat in Toronto and I ain’t walk through the damn door
Pussy, you got what you asked for!
[Round 1: XQZ]
When your girl says she’s duckin’ you, she’s scared you might stalk her to death
When your girl says she’s duckin’ me…well, that’s just autocorrect
When I say you’re duckin’ me, it’s ‘cause you know that I’m an obvious threat
When you say you’re duckin’ me, it’s ‘cause you don’t know where your travel documents went
What the hell!?
How the hell do you lose a passport?
You’re a chef
Your apartment can’t be that big - it’s either that drawer or that drawer
I said, are you that stupid?
Way to go, dingus! Now the plan’s ruined
Prolly just left it sittin’ on the floor while he was vacuumin’
I say, you don’t plan ahead like an adult?
Man, what the fuck is this man doin’?
Couldn’t leave your house like “Phone, wallets, keys, passport”
You’re a trash Human!
We were supposed to do this last month on The Wave, so this is Take 2
And Lexx said they’re uploading this to the KOTD main page, too
So we owe ‘em a thank-you
And I appreciate that the staff came through
But just know, if I choke at all tonight, it’s just ‘cause I’m tryin’ to fuck up your debut
So what’s up, Sweeney?
So an extra month to write?
You think that’s really gonna change shit?
Like I’mma rewrite for your boring ass?
You still gettin’ all this fuckin’ Wave shit
I said, what’s up, Toronto?
Y’all ‘bout to feel like Joe Carter’s back to shake the dome
With three verses more perfectly written than this final act of Game of Thrones
I got a feeling Kawhi Leonard’s ‘bout to go off this series
Fuckin’ Raptor Nation, though
Gully, heard you got a baby on the way
That’s amazing! Congratulations, bro
I said, Sweeney, even if you no-showed tonight, and this got rescheduled to iBattle next month, I probably still wouldn’t feel prepared
I mean, the love I got on The Wave last year had me feelin’ like a millionaire
It’s like I climbed to the top of that GZ mountain
So, actually, this is really fair
I mean, that’s how it goes
You see Flag at the peak and then it’s all downhill from there
I said, I had one of the best debuts in a league that you’re not Top 10 in
I was finna dog-walk, Georges Laraque-John Scott Kevin
This a Rollie, not a stopwatch
Was nonstop preppin’
To turn up and cook longer than your Crock-Pot settings!
I’m just warmin’ up!
You thinkin’ 3-0? I’m thinking three 0’s on the next deposit
Feelin’ like I just left the dentist’s office, I’m lookin’ extra polished
Soon as he spits those 90s cartoon bars and gets nostalgic
Then I’m slidin’ through The Wave with the auto (Otto) like Reggie Rocket!
Big plates comin’ soon
We got the appetizers covered
And that old bitch kickin’ like a Jazzercise instructor
Sweeney wanna test me? I need your answer by the buzzer
Blue steel, red splatters: guess he passed with flying colors!
So don’t worry about how long I’ve been rappin’, or if the style’s a little old-fashioned
‘Cause these bitches still don’t know how to get rid of me, like Closed Caption
Round 1
[Round 2: Sweeney]
Since we’re still in Canada

[XQZ]
We are

[Sweeney]
I’m actually the king of Canadian slang
Don’t believe me? Well, just wait and see
In fact, getting offered this match made me cheesed like those baby memes
I really hate you, Steve
I mean, this guy’s whole swag screams “RhymeZone tabs”
And I ain’t hatin’ or nothin’
But if we talkin’ biggest nerds in battling, bro, you gotta make the discussion
And I ain’t tryna take this too far, so y’all can say if I’m buggin’
But bro, you such a nerd, in Danny Myers’ universe, you gotta be famous for somethin’
I mean, the biggest lame in the function!
If y’all are battlin’ for 10 years and got nothin’ out of it
You guys should just say “Fuck it” and go
‘Cause this guy’s been battlin’ since Cassidy was 100-0
And fuck it, I know that doin’ Roman numeral flips on your name is a boring lame trend
But when you think about the situation, X, it just sorta made sense
So I’ll tie a rope around his neck, I’ll tell the boy to say when
And the shit is perfect, ‘cause this isn’t surfin’
But they booked us on The Wave just so I could hang 10!
Fuck you and your lame friends!
Got him thinkin’ that he’s the man when he isn’t
Bro, you better get lost or get tossed like one of the pots and pans in my kitchen
Shit, if you get shot, and I, get caught?
Well, then, fuck it, I’m in the can with the Biscuit
Professor ballin’ wit’ inmates: yeah, I’d bring the handle to prison!
But I can do it all, X
I’m bringin’ more to the table than a smorgasbord
You came all the way to Canada…and then Brooklyn, heh
Just to be a part of my tour de force
‘Cause one look, they knew my worth like Storage Wars
So talk shit, get hit, and then the floor is yours
See, you just leave ‘em bored
There’s no way that this isn’t a beatin’
Jim Carrey in Cable Guy, the way I will dish it to Steven!
Bro, you better believe it!
I told Lexx I was tryin’ to get out here on this last event
He got me out here lookin’ stupid as heck
‘Cause I told-
Told you! Told you I was gonna say that!

He got me out here lookin’ stupid as heck
See, I told him I needed to make a move for respect
And I ain’t care who I’d have to prove it against
He said, “I got you and XQZ”
I said, “My man, I am confused and upset”
But I’m a guy! I’ve been in relationships
I should know a Facebook message is never cool to accept when it’s gotta do wit’ an X (ex)
Round 2, man

[Round 2: XQZ]
XQZ versus Sweeney…another white, sarcastic mirror match
But actually, I heard Brooklyn’s kinda hipstery these days, so y’all might actually be here for that
Another carbon copy off the clearance rack, known for pullin’ disappearing acts
Been actually so unknown, I don’t understand how you keep your career intact
He said:
“The only reason I don’t get more views and these bigger leagues don’t check me
Is ‘cause my job can’t find out about my battle rapping, so I don’t promote heavy”
Whoa…
And here I was thinkin’ we were grown men…yeesh
Your restaurant shouldn’t control your life when you’re not behind the stove, Kevvy
Yellin’ from the kitchen to Lexx like, “I wanna battle rap, but they won’t let me!”
Tryin’ to sneak out the window like a grounded kid with a ladder made of old bedsheets
I mean, what?
You can’t be a battle rapper and a chef? Really?
Y’all kill me…
What, do you think the health inspector’s gonna shut you down?
Like, “Yeah, the kitchen’s clean, but your bars are filthy”
One way or another, someone from the staff will find out
And maybe then, he won’t face the camera like “I’m not sure I should be rapping right now”
This guy’s exhausted, half his life’s been sacrificed now
And thanks to Megadef, when a customer orders tacos, he fuckin’ has to lie down!
Let’s rewind to when this-
Let’s unpack when this drunk bastard Sween’ got punked at the scene
And now gets PTSD when he sees a Crunchwrap Supreme
After an event, Sweeney got wasted, started choppin’ it up
And naturally, the conversation shifted to how Sweeney could beat Hollow and Lux
And then Megadef came back with a bunch of tacos for everyone that he got from the truck
And then, for once, Sky League and Water League came together to watch you get punked
I said, Megadef shoved a taco in his face just to get him to shut his stupid mouthpiece
Lexx had to hire an abuse counselor just to do some outreach
While you were talkin’ shit to Prez Mafia and Drugz, trying to start some Proving Grounds beef
And the fact that Sweeney’s a bitch is something Megadef could prove with ground beef
Every battle, you do some weird breakdown about how your opponent’s bad for the scene
But behind his back, half the roster’s fuckin’ laughin’ at Sween’
It’s like that show where those dudes obsess over their fantasy teams
‘Cause Kevin hates being associated with Taco by all the cats in The League
I said, so try that shit again? You get put in submission
Little kids’ winter jacket: I got a couple hooks for the Mittens
I’ll run in that overpriced shithole, disrespectin’ all the cooks in the kitchen
Order a well-done steak, and while you cook it, I’m dippin’
Fuck your restuarant

[Round 3: Sweeney]
I got battle rapper problems
‘Cause when I don’t try, I’m really good
But if I did try, I’m the GOAT probably
But you are really boring to write for
So…I apologize if I’m so sloppy
‘Cause I was playin’ video games instead of practicing
See, video games are my old hobby
But it’s funny - I’m still out here fightin’ with nobodies
But you know what really makes me laugh?
(I was supposed to say Kingdom Hearts and not video games)
You know what really makes me laugh?
Every time you come up here to showcase your raps
You can’t help but tell us how you’re a part of every dating app
We get it - you’re alone
His Tinder profile will be like:
“Name: Steven…but in the streets, they call me XQZ
Family memories?
When I was growin’ up, my dad played ‘I Got Your Nose’ and had a sprained wrist for the next two weeks”
You probably tell all the vegan girls who watch anime you only eat Senzu beans!
But I’m jealous! I mean, who doesn’t wanna pillow-talk about their best two schemes?
This little snobby teenage attitude you got goin’ is somethin’ you should knock off, dweeb
Or I’ll put this old man in a hole like the Balrog scene
Ever since a kid watchin’ TV, I knew I had the drop on Steve
‘Cause soon as dog need a clue, he’d get a paw on screen
Fuck a fade!
Bro, you can catch a one-two, one-two, like how you’d step to a slow song
You made a style off takin’ rhyme schemes and stretchin’ them so long
But you don’t realize how trash that shit is, Steven
So forever it goes on
Just milkin’ (milk in) the bar like Don’t Mess with The Zohan
But y’all should watch him vers’ Coach Corleone on No Coast
That third round he had- y’all should watch it
That third round he had was a treasure, a gem
See, in that round, he talks about how depression, it entered his head
So he would never be battling…ever again
Oh…until a month later, vers’ Blackademikz
But he had to prove he still had a relevant pen
And now you takin’ GZs?
Sounds to me like as long as it ain’t No Coast, you just need a “where” and a “when”
That’s why that mental illness shit he talkin’, I don’t care to defend
Sounds like someone’s just too pussy to start tellin’ his friends he thinks he’s better than them
Well, now you gettin’ bodied instead!
Bro, I’m usin’ you to send a message
Sweeney, man, the kid’s impressive
I mean, how could you not feel him?
Scott Pilgrim: yeah, I coulda killed seven X’s (exes)
So you can keep on battling and make it to the top of the nerds
And do this once a month to prove you got it with words
And I can sit back and relax, knowin’ I could kill whoever if I wanna return
Employee of the Month at the office: see, my spot is reserved
Round 3

[Round 3: XQZ]
Said, uh…Rob and Red Flag?
Their prediction blog said I was pretentious…not a kernel of truth
It’s not my fault 80 percent of this roster said I would murder this dude
I’m referencing some shit from Thursday to prove I spent no time rehearsing for you
And come-
Come to think of it, that does sound like something a pretentious person would do
I think so
Sween’ Do, one of the best in the league, bro
You’re in iBattle with an unflippable name - that’s basically a cheat code
Myth of Sisyphus: he been climbin’ this whole time for nothin’
I made a name without that soft-ass dime-a-dozen style of punchin’
‘Cause those Mittens won’t make a difference when it’s his whole head inside the oven
Turn the heat up and slice his onion like a wine reduction
Every little detail, like an Iron Chef’s final entry
Rare as they come, shit’s like finding Henny in the 1920s
Any situation these guys present me? I’ve been ready
This was not my first choice, but I still took it, like Diet Pepsi
But I won’t lie ‘cause finding inspiration was hard
I was down south on vacation so my brain could recharge
Came back with a Goro-sized combination of arms
And a silencer that makes an AR sound like ASMR!
For fuck’s sake!
His wifey tryin’ to bust down my door and treat my crib like a drug raid
She catchin’ ‘Butterflies’ from that white girl like Kacey Musgraves
She think she a model, right?
I’ll have her in magazines and newspapers one day
Before the shot, Backpage
After the shot, front page!
But she’s lucky, though, ‘cause I’m talkin’ big game like Army-Navy
And she seen the personality all through the ‘90s like Carson Daly
Had her up all night ‘til the sunrise like the party crazy
‘Cause she just took a laced ball to the nose like Marcia Brady
I’m in the whip! Fly, like I’m drivin’ down the lake from Die Another Day
Lightin’ up the stage like a Walt Disney fireworks parade
I said, hit his bitch doggie
‘Cause I invited her to stay and she silently obeyed
Had another thot (thought) lookin’ back at it, like…”Yeah, I was finna say…”

Aw, God, oh, I knew this was gonna be the part, too
Mmm, yeah, I know, it’s brutal
I said, uh…
Ah, I’m ‘bout to lose to Sweeney
Um…

[Sweeney]
It’s alright
He got the first, got the first

[XQZ]
I said, the thing about these lil’-bro types?
They get so hyped off of minimal success
So sometimes you gotta put ‘em in that headlock to keep these idiots in check
Whether indirect, simple shit or intricate and dense
There’s a reason I’ve been here since ‘09 and they consider me a vet
I call my peers out for their bullshit like citizen’s arrest
And cripple these kids ‘til they start hearin’ the “Finish Him!” effects
Infinite potential, ‘cause I’m pushin’ to the limits when I prep
You talk all that different shit, but we ain’t seen shit different from him yet
I went from drivin’ around the country just to battle in my free time
To gettin’ paid to make up for your mistakes on the league’s dime
So when I get sick of battle rap and start feeling it’s time to call quits
I’ll use bums like this as a punching bag to fight it off with
Thank you