[Round 1: Rone]
I got this scouting report on Dumb' and I can make it go left
No sweat, I'll turn this shit into a Game of Thrones set
Grotesque, we gon' bet, I'm takin' his whole check
Funny how I'm three bars in and I still haven't cracked an Asian joke yet
I'm the greatest of all time, most creative of all time
Check the history, I cross T's and dot the small I's (eyes)
No racist shit, those narrow views are not mine
Like a North Korean nuke, boy, that shit will not fly
His real name is John Park, and you were off to a hot start
But then you named yourself "Dumb", that makes me think you're...not smart
You listen to his music, you think his vibe was all dark
But he's got the personality of a greeter at Wal-Mart
Well, it's goin' down, like a bell of danger in a elevator
Fuck a intercom in a generator, I'll put the Yellow Ranger on a ventilator
The original king, I'm Cedric the Entertainer with the pen and paper
I'll educate your casuals, I'm John Madden through the Telestrator
You're a pencil pusher with a calculator, a Now & Later to an alligator
I'm a Hall of Famer, bitch, you watch the Lakers
If I need a favor, then I call the Lakers
(Or the Bulls. Or the Bulls)
In my last battle, I wore Dions; within a year, I was bros with him
I name-dropped Pat Bev'; within two, I had a show with him
Manifesting, I got the future in my hands and I'm moldin' it
If I had name-dropped Jesus Christ, he probably would've rose again
I'm at the podium, barkin' like a Doberman
Some kung-fu put Bong Joon-ho through the linoleum
You had three Anderson .Paak beats and you still couldn't blow with him
Now he's at MSG and this pussy's throwin' sodium
Well, I hear all the chirps from these seedy suckers
But I pretend I don't see it like I'm Stevie Wonder
We're opposites, there's no way we could see each other
You're Asian...bitch, I'm gettin' even younger
But growin' up, I bet there's painful memories you can't jog
Like goin' to the rub-and-tug to get a handjob, and it's your grandma
And that's a hell of a quandary when you have your dick out
Do you dismount? Do you ask for the family discount?
Yo, you're not descended from Kublai Khan, you're a waiter at Buddakan
So pay attention who Louboutins you've been spillin' those noodles on
It's the rap game Siroc, the way that I paint with dots
Find me dumpin' a Machine Gun like Megan Fox
We could box, find him slumped down in that vacant lot
You can't tell, is he slumped out or is he doin' the Asian squat?
On Twitter, November 9th, 2018
You said, "If I ever go broke, I'll hop back in that ring."
Well, I'm glad that you're here, but I'm sorry you're back
Welcome home, Dumb', let me know if you need to borrow some cash
[Round 1: Dumbfoundead]
You're right, I had no part in Anderson's future
You hang with Anderson Cooper
By the way, I've seen your wife, her body is smokin'
When I fuck her, you can watch, I'll "Leave the Door Open"
Keep up with the references, don't get lost
I'll fuck the wedding ring off her, call her Silk Sonic the Hedgehog
I said, the King has returned to the Dot, Korean Jesus is home
All these lazy rappers usin' Asian accents, finally, they leave me a Rone (alone)
I came for Pat Stay tonight to celebrate his life
I know two wrongs don't make a right, but maybe killin' one Rone can make it right
You really thought you was pushin' forward the whole culture
I work for myself, y'all work for old vultures
It's funny how Lush went to Adam22, but you're the one with No Jumper
Y'all chauffeurs, Driving Miss Daisys with your boss in the backseat
I know that y'all can't sleep knowin' you exploit black rappers and athletes
But at Barstool, you're killin' it, bravo
But the only real ones from Philly that I know are Gilly and Wallo
I bet you went to the office on the first day
Like, "Hey, fellas, Bang Bang Bird Gang", like you just learned slang
Yeah, get it through ya nerd brain, you're lame
Your only black friend is Pat Bev', and on that show, you won't even let Pat talk
How your Roots in Philly but you won't even listen to a Black Thought?
You must've lost your marbles or insane
Give me the green light, I'll slap the shit out of him, hit a lick on a cracker like Squid Game
I'll call his bluff, like Parasite, sneak in his crazy rich parents' house when they've gone to brunch
Shang-Chi, Ten Rings, I'll break Everything Everywhere All at Once
I'm sick of ya tired puns, they've already been all done
There's only so many ways you can be called "Dumb"
But I don't gotta use name flips to call you a bitch 'cause you already are one (R-one)
You're an enormous geek, with ya Old Navy performance fleece
What is that? Mormon chic?
I hate dorks that can't play sports but wear official game shorts
But he chose to stand on the sidelines that was a good call
Look, y'all—the only dude to get injured in fantasy football
You wanna know how I know you're a loser, bro?
Two words: Super Bowl
Y'all lost to the Chiefs, I know that shit Jalen Hurts
It was damn near reparations seeing the natives take it first
To make it worse, Jalen's ankle worked
This guy came to work with a Philly Championship tee 'cause he pre-made the shirt
You damn near lose to every Patrick that ya know
So do us all a favor and take ya ass Mahomes
[Round 2: Rone]
Bro, you have the tiniest...set of nostrils
I can't tell if it's cool, if it's lame
On one hand, you stay duckin' diseases; on the other, you do love cocaine
And I'm not judgin', it's just the way his face was designed
But if you're gonna share drugs, plan on takin' your time
'Cause when everybody else is out breakin' out lines
He's gotta snort his cocaine one grain at a time
He breathes in it, sounds like a long range missile
He breathes out, it sounds like a fuckin' train whistle
They tried to rape this dude, it would've been a terrible day
He just exhaled hard, and it scared 'em away
Fuckin' square-ass head, brother, who are you?
The offspring of Lucy Liu and a Rubik's Cube?
Who is your uncle, Ahk? A fuckin' Funko Pop?
My boy's a Lego, best believe he runs a couple blocks
And I'm not even hatin', bro, I like that
Lookin' like a fine-ass character from Minecraft
But it's gettin' hard to tell what kind of accent he's flexin'
You got a weird twang like a Cantonese Texan
I'll leave you crying in H Mart like Japanese Breakfast
I got the smoke, like fajitas in your Applebee's section
I'll split his dumpling once that .50 peel
BAOW! You just got yourself a Disney deal
My bro's mad? I'm poppin' up in his bitch, be real
She throw it back like a homer out at Wrigley Field
I'll give her 15 bucks, and she'll lick these nuts
Your girl is a ho by name, and your mom's Kim She (kimchi) sucks
(That hurts. I know that hurts. It's gross. Over-fermented)
Dumb' must be dumb if he's thinkin' he's at the top
You might think he's fish scale; from how I see it, it has to stop
You might think that he's raw; from how I see it, that shit's chop
You might see Dumb' as a brick, I see Dumb' as a bag of rocks
And doom is imminent, bitch, you can see the shark tail
You try to drag race me, I'll put your Civic through a guardrail
Dumb's dumb as a hammer you would buy at a yard sale
I'll put this battle in a coffin and use Dumb' as a doornail
But wait, wait, wait
He said his ten-year goal was to star in an action movie
That's a doozy
You're 5'6" and a half with boobies
The closest you ever get to an action movie is if they remake Cars and you voice a hatchback Suzuki
Or in Mickey Mouse as a Mandarin Goofy
Or in Veggie Tales as the sushi
Let's go through a checklist for an action hero
Athleticism? That's a zero
Acting chops aren't half De Niro
Sex appeal is Dan DeVito
Stop it, Chino, the closest you ever get to an action hero is getting a frappuccino for Al Pacino
Bro, and it's not because you're Asian, they just don't like suckin'
20 indie movies in and now you wanna try stuntin'?
Indie 50, indie 60, you might realize something
You keep playin' that race card, you might hit indie (Indy) 500
Bro, on Twitter, November 9th, 2018
You said, "If I ever go broke, I'll hop back in that ring."
Well, I already gave you a 20, that's just me bein' decent
So pay me back when you get that action flick; matter of fact, keep it
[Round 2: Dumbfoundead]
When we were yellin' "Black Lives Matter" tryin' to stop Asian hate
You were storming the Capitol tryin' to keep Caucasians safe
In Ferguson, you thought the cops saved the day
With Breonna Taylor, you would not say her name
You were mad as shit at Kaepernick, you little sports boy
You won't take one knee for George Floyd, but I bet you take two knees for Dave Portnoy
(You little sports boy)
I just know your mom's a Karen, they call her "Karone"
All in the phone, naggy tone
Wouldn't even let you rap alone unless she chaperones
She can't condone any rapper with a blacker tone...than Charron
You hated Kanye, you wouldn't even slap his songs 'til he appeared on Alex Jones
You've been a weirdo, I bet ya hero's Ben Shapiro
And he hates woke bitches, I can't make that up
Nah, I mean, like, he hates woke bitches, like, he likes the ones that can't get up off a date rape drug
I'm not saying you're a racist person
I'm just saying he dressed up as Meek Mill and got the makeup perfect
You know, Trudeau
His favorite movie's Rocky 3, but he won't be caught dead watchin' Creed
But he'll rewatch the scene where Apollo dies in the boxing ring
It's funny how when a black man got the lead, he's like, "Mmmm, not for me"
Trippin' about The Little Mermaid, imagine that scenario
A grown man mad about Ariel
When they considered Idris Elba for James Bond, he was like, "Goddamn it, the whole thang's wrong"
Bro, that's weird
You got so much black fear, you won't even watch Black Mirror
I asked him if he saw Get Out; he said, "Nope"
The great white hope with a face like the Pope
You see, you're not really helpin' the people when you don't see no one else but yourself as an equal
That's why you'll never get the ring, you're a Philadelphia Smeagol

[Round 3: Rone]
As a cis white male, I acknowledge that my existence is inherently racist
I've read the books, I've done the work, and I can finally face it
And it's not racist like I think one side has better genetics
But like, I don't think you have a black fan that doesn't have a tentacle fetish
Now, is that wrong? Yes, it's bigoted and selfish
But since all white people are inherently racist, I guess I can't help it
No, no, no, no, no
Even though it's been underground, I still look like a fuckin' clown
And it's been wrong, 'cause as the majority, I was punching down
And I felt bad, was I part of this massive machine?
Cutting off a culture 'fore they could advance and succeed?
So I took chances to read, all the fantastic cuisine
All the history, I damn near traced it back to Adam and G
And on the global scale, all the demographics are deep
6 out of 10 of all people come from back in the East
So if 3 out of 5 are Asian, that mathematically means
That the real minority here is...actually me
And I'm feeling marginalized, I need some acknowledgement
This feeling's hard to describe, I might need a scholarship
This shit is tough to ignore, and not to run up the score
But since I'm not punching down, then my Asian jokes aren't fucked up anymore
So you know what rhymes with "Fu manchu"?
(What?!)
"Wuhan Flu"
All your faces look the same like the Blue Man Group
I know COVID fucked up your diet, you can barely eat at all
'Cause when you heard it was made in a lab, you were thinking the breed of dog
You'll turn a PetSmart to a wet mart so aggressively
And your cultural specialty was adding kimchi to the COVID recipe
Wait, I say that for a reason
In a movie called Bad Rap, you gave battle rap a bad rap
Right after it made you famous, it got stabbed in the damn back
You claimed the premise was racist, like you didn't advance that?
Like we're not just roasting? Someone get him a Tampax
You've had Mexican jokes, Arab jokes, like that shit was usual
You versus an Asian guy was like the stereotype Super Bowl
You told a black guy that they'd serve fried chicken at his funeral
And the worst part is, I thought that shit was beautiful!
But it's his reasoning that puts my mind into a pretzel
He said, "Tiger moms, good at math, all these stereotypes are stressful
They keep callin' me a doctor, it's a bit disrespectful
I might quit battle rap if they keep calling me...rich and successful."
And it's the most benign insults
"They said 'rice eater,' it's the worst"
Oh, they said you eat the most popular food on Earth?
See, every chopstick joke isn't a hate crime
We're different, that's cool, it's not a story for Dateline
And that's why I'm not concerned with playin' Dumb' online
'Cause you never know when the man above calls "Time!"
Hey, Pat! Look what we did in your name
We miss you every day, bro, shit isn't the same
I wish that you were here to help us through this scariness
And 'cause Soul Khan is bi now, it's hilarious
Bro, I wish I could just call you, we could roast his shit for weeks
Bi-ass Jew doin' circumcisions with his teeth
So until the day that we can call him gay together
We got your fam, we'll hold your flame, Pat Stay forever

[Round 3: Dumbfoundead]
I went from booze binge to juice cleanse, I'm feelin' like a new man
I know it makes you sick like I flew in from Wuhan to get the W like a Wu fan
No chance, I came out a AA meeting ready to throw hands
And stomp ya with my sponsor, now, that's a 12-step program
For the last two weeks, I fasted; I've got the sober life mastered
Close my eyes, frozen time, know the fly-catch shit
It's like Bruce Lee, flow like water, ocean tide
This is...beats me, season 4 or 5 of Cobra Kai?
You see, a few years ago, I took him to LA, I was his tour guide
And boy, you never seen nobody more white
That shit felt like Training Day, it was Denzel and the incel
He thought we was in the jungles, I was like, "Bro, this is Glendale"
You know it don't end well when you're at the karaoke singin' "Thug Mansion" wearing Oakleys
You would've sworn we were at Lollapalooza
He was bowing at everybody and shit; homie, we are not the Yakuza
I said, "Fuck it, let's get some drugs", we did some bumps
He started mixing pixie dust in bitches' Dixie cups
We needed a little pick-me-up
He literally had to pick her up, that shit was sus'
Y'all really think I'ma get dissed by this bitch?
Who is this? Mid-Twist?
You're 33 and had to pledge in a fraternity for eternity
Before journalism, you were journaling
Now you're an Anchorman: Rone Burgundy
I just wanna slap that snapback hat off, bro
Lookin' like a wack backpack frat Jack Harlow
I know for the past few months, you were on your computer like, "Write me a battle rap, chatGPT
Uh, revise that, make it more like a frat SMACK DVD
Good, now change it to the cadence of my favorite rapper
Great, now give me a list of famous Asian actors
Neat, now take this bar and change it backwards
And put a bunch of bullshit in the middle, same as Dizaster
Sweet!"
Now ask it about me, my jersey hangs in the rafters
Your status is questionable, maybe A.I. ain't the Answer
You see, matter of fact, I peeped your plan of attack
Since you were on Twitter telling everybody I was your fantasy match
Bro, I don't give a fuck about you, I came back to battle for Pat
That's why I got Pat on the front, you just wanted a pat on the back