[Round 1: Sketch Menace + Illipsis]
So what the fuck is this, La Sparka?
This is what I got for dinner?
Some awkward, little closet hipster
That, after every bar he drops, he’s gonna stop the ticker
And laugh at his own jokes, like he's Dr. Hibbert?
Like as if he's really got this figured
Kid, you need to change lanes, don't play games
These brain waves are off the Richter
So before his head gets swelled, homie better check himself like Bobby Fischer
So get in rank, start giving thanks
Watch this heel flip and grind until he hits the bank like Rick McCrank
‘Cause, as far as hip-hop goes, you just a viral gimmick
Only three dots, with stock for the hieroglyphics
And now Fievel’s sitting on the doormat of my warpath
So I bring that Alberta heat ‘til the forecast hits Fort Mac!
Like, kid, you think you really mean shit
Just ‘cause you hit a grand slam off a Little League pitch?
Well…you think you at the top of this division?
Well, then riddle me this
How come the numbers clearly depict that the people would rather listen to bars about Little G's dick!?
‘Cause if it weren't for Autoplay on Facebook, no one would give your shit a second viewing
‘Cause it went from 3 million views, to 30,000 when they weren't forcibly subjected to it!
Like, really, that's your business plan?
Being Facebook-famous gonna get you fans?
Kid, your idols came up on Scribble Jam: you came up on Instagram!
So let's take a look back at the first time we saw Illipsis featured
At a high school rap battle, where instead of Willie B and Sparka, it's fucking this kid’s teacher
Doing a lesser version of Bender verses
Shaking like him and Carter Deems were having kismet seizures
I almost thought you were going to get mom's spaghetti on your Kid Twist T-shirt!
But this the big stage, shit stain!
And he’s still standing there shaking, like he's trying to cope with sobriety
As if people paid money to come in here, and help you overcome your social anxieties!
So watch him, and tell me every time that you hear a line drop from Illipsis
He don't look around the room for approval, like the shifty-eyed dog from The Simpsons!
(*laughs*) That’s 100 percent true!
[Round 1: Illipsis]
I said, let's get something out the way: Sketch Menace is the man
If you've got a beverage in your hand
Then take a drink every time that he says he was the champ!
But me? I'm glad the staff gave up a name for me to ruin
Said he won't get battered, cliffhanger, dangerous conclusion
I'm an alien, the state between the Angels and the Mutants
Evil incarnate in a skin suit, claiming that it's human
Translation for the stupid:
Is, what's a lower level on the chain of evolution
Next to something that exists beyond the apex of its movement!?
'Member when he had the chain? That wood-grain was dazzlin'
But even PoRich proved to us you ain't a champion
Chain of evolution, shit, that ain't the way it happened
The way we saw him melt down, it looked more like a chain reaction!
Bro, you know what really screams, "I'm great at rapping?"
Rigging your own judges just to stay the main attraction
In that 2-on-2 with Chedda, you ain't go hard as a writer
So we saw him ROB Cheese like Omar in The Wire!
I came out to catch a body, and prove Sketch's fans wrong
He is Omar...'cause the young boy will take him out the game once he ain't have a leg to stand on!
I'm saying, Sketch, let's be real, what have you done as a president?
He's got a track record that'd stun the electorate
That you'd fucked over Cheddar with tampered judging as evidence
Always running a deficit, never drum up attendances
At the subpar events where you get punked from the premises
You embarrassed your scene, up to the subsequent death of it
Now I'm suddenly questioning who the FUCK had elected him!
I mean, a sketch is a drawing, so I found it ironic
How Sketch can't draw a following, a crowd, or a profit!
I mean, that GZ GP, your whole division was picked last
So, you can tell Edwords - the fuck, who is that!?
Tell Dirty Harry, next time I see him, it's sudden impact
Tell that Emo Phillips bitch-ass, sit back with his wrists slashed
Tell Rezza he's a bum, I WANT MY MOTHERFUCKING WIN BACK!
I said, he started from Alberta, now he here
Started from Alberta, now your whole team bottom-tier!
What I'm trying to explain, is your division is dog shit
Full of finite thinkers next to limitless concepts
I could kill him any way, but that nerd shit I'm a boss with
Took out your whole team…with just a handful of gems: THAT'S THE INFINITY GAUNTLET!
Boy, I caught enough bodies to be Death's apprentice
You are such a non-threat, you put the "meh" in "Menace"
Even repping your fucking city, you're the worst dude up
At World Dom to battle Eurgh, who would've murked you, bruh
But he no-showed your battle
That really hurt you, huh?
How the fuck on footage is it Eurgh, 2-1?
Lipsis!
[Round 2: Sketch Menace]
So, you’re one of those really little guys that dates really fat chicks...and I find it disgusting and morbid
You just a frustrated preteen that’s trying to muster endorphins
You try to pump her and force it, but her pussy’s so fucking enormous
The bitch got walls so big, you’d think Trump would endorse it!
So now she using backdoor tactics, she got crack whore habits
Bitch couldn’t act more ratchet if she had a BAX WAR jacket
So if he a gamblin’ man, then he ain’t standin’ a chance
I’m here to ramp shit in Van like it’s Slam City Jam
You got us laughing when you rapping ‘bout those hammers you blam
‘Cause the only guns you draw are on paper, like Yosemite Sam!
‘Cause when Manik pressed him, if you listened close
You could faintly hear the sound of his little chattering dentals
Too bad you couldn’t shoot him with the lead from your mechanical pencil!
But I ain’t standing up for Manik, or his posture-seeking antics
But who’d have thunk that talking shit would probably get his ass kicked?
Like, I hope you see being a tough guy wasn’t the smartest string of actions
Especially when you got less backup than a Posturepedic mattress
It’s funny just how fast we saw him switch into a man of God
While he was shivering and backing off
Too bad, in real life, you can’t just tag a mod!
Like, you think you tough with them Seinfeld lines?
Kid, I’mma show you how to do this shit
From where the viewers sit, they can watch me put a round inside him like a Junior Mint!
‘Cause I’m hanging with billionaires and esteemed scholars, while you embracing the cheap drama
You named yourself after three dots
I’m trying to see my name after three commas!
Because you ruin every movie for me, along with every show that’s on Earth
Before all your verses, there should be disclosures at first
In fact, you might as well have made your rap name, “Spoiler Alert!”
Like, for example, before this battle, I hadn’t known that Tyrion Lannister
Had turned his back on his kingdom, and become a serious battler!
Let’s go!
So, the one piece of advice that I can provide to this crowd
Is, if you ain’t caught up on Game of Thrones, do not pay attention to his next round!
[Round 2: Illipsis + Sketch Menace]
I said, Illipsis on the main stage, the hype is so real
Break out the pen…with the blueprints for a body like Michael Scofield!
You rep Money Gang
Huh! Calgary, y'all fucking bang
On Facebook like, "Alberta, stay woke! Knowledge is power!"
Homie, you get your news from The Dog River Howler!
His day job? He paint dollies
It's Money Gang, for the wrong reasons
Since he run the show at the dollhouse, I give Joss Whedon the Fox treatment!
I will cave man's head in, face changing to claymation
Animal, leave Sketch with blood on the wall like a cave painting
I heard this was a vacation for you and your chick
Which, fair enough, I hope y'all have a beautiful trip
But it's peculiar if you use a fucking vacation to try to justify payment, to make us move you some chips
Makes me assume that your bitch is asking you for a love price like Funeral Nick
But you’re used to frivolous trips
You flew out Ganik and Charron
Next event, it was Pat that’s switching coasts, then Dizaster even
Bro, it’s so cool...until you realize the cats you bring to host are of more fucking value than the battles that you throw!
See, I did this shit for free ‘cause I’m in Van to see it grow
While he’s demanding fees to show
A fucking stack to feed his ho
A rack to overcompensate him for the fact his scene is broke!
Claiming Calgary is dope? HA! Nope!
Actually, its growth has fucking atrophied and slowed
As its overreaching borders reenact the greed of Rome
And if THAT’S the case...well, I’m the daggers being honed
And then stashed beneath the cloaks of every standing legion focused on the back of Caesar’s throne!
Since he rock with the patrician class, we’re plottin’ with the prison shanks
A blade will do a number on his body like it’s Victor Zsasz!
Illipsis BACK!
So let’s keep it 100, ‘cause this pansy’s threatened
This is war and peace, laurel wreaths to a Panzer engine
Let’s keep it one thousand...
I’ve run out of bars for that scheme!
Good!
But I still have to mention the fact that Sketch has
Been trapped and destined to travel west
In a sad progression from champ to peasant
As his legacy’s dashed and left in
Fragments, less than fractured remnants, past connect
Nat ascending, advancing steps
From adolescence to smashing records
To stats embedded in chants and legends
Minimal buzz: I got the staff’s attention
I’m doing circles ‘round your sphere first: that’s Magellan
You get all flush in the face when you rap aggressive
I’ll overshadow this red square like we at the Kremlin
He can’t do ONE SCHEME like that!
For me, that’s the seventh
Your bars are “so what”, mine are “Don’t touch:” that’s expensive!
And you can’t afford it!

[Round 3: Sketch Menace + Illipsis]
So did y’all see that spoken word battle that he did?
It’s fire! Peep that
Shit was impressive, dude, I see ya
It’s this new format where two competitors step to the arena
And spit three rounds, back and forth, a cappella
I know...it’s a pretty fresh and new idea
They even put the cameras on ‘em while the fans were watching, trying to capture the live crowd
As if that doesn’t sound exactly like...where...we...are right now
But this little culture-vulturing-ass hipster trying to crawl his way out of GZ
Like, “Battle rapping’s the bee’s knees!
I got a gun so eco-friendly that I call it my green piece!”
‘Cause you are not in a position to be giving advice, kid!
As soon as you started your third round against Isaac Knox, I thought, “Oh, this should be quite rich!
Wrinkled-shirt Cowlick’s ‘bout to give us some life tips!”
But this is where the poster boy for atheists can start to feel the rapture
How you supposed to be the dark horse of this division, when you hardly meet that stature?
All I see when you start to speak is, “Liberal Arts Degree, The Rapper”
Like, you need to just stop this shit
Take a knee, and then ponder this
‘Cause while you preaching the opposite, you too caught up to see that you’re just feeding the argument
‘Cause for every crazy religious nutjob trying to stop you, and talk you into boredom
There’s an equally annoying atheist on the opposite corner
Like, for the sake of decency, you both on the same basic frequency
‘Cause for those of us that don’t care, it’s like we’re racist evenly
‘Cause we fucking hate you equally!
See, I’m a philosophy student, I know Socrates’ rubric
You far from the first guy to call idolatry stupid
‘Cause, when Illipsis talkin’, he don’t know the difference
Between Richard Dawkins and his own opinions
Like, oooh...religion sucks! Like he’s so clever
Dancing ‘round like a court jester, with no measure of how privileged you even have to be to know better
Like, without them, there wouldn’t be sirens
Like, without them, there wouldn’t be violence
You act like we’d be better off without them
But without them, you’d be blinded
‘Cause the only time that you feel smart is when you put down the weak-minded!
So you put on your Perry Ellis flats, and drink your cherry-flavored frappes
While you look down at the crosses people carry on their backs
And that all very well distracts us from the very blatant fact
Of how your fairytale is rap, and you can’t see the parallels in that
Like as if the main channel isn’t Heaven to you
Just looking up at us like Gods, from Ground Zero, all sunk down in mildew
Waiting for someone from our level to finally come down and kill you!
‘Cause you find peace and solace in being soulless
But for someone who doesn’t like religion, I’d say it’s clear you trying to be what Soul is
So how the fuck you gonna put down their Heavenly vows
When you’re clearly the one that’s got his head in the clouds?
You need to take your own advice, and here’s to hoping that it helps:
“Being a rapper is just a lie that someone told you, until you told it to yourself!”

[Round 3: Illipsis]
I said, “If E. want it, too, see y’all in June.”
Well, E. caught the flu, and Willie thought, "Sketch...meh, he oughta do”
So fuck it, get Drunken Master off of three-dollar brews
He catch a 100-hand SLAP…’cause for that E. Farrell battle, I studied E. Honda’s moves
And if Sketch ain't watch his tone, or who he talking to
FWOOM! Rocket launcher blow him out his whip like that cheap prostitute
He gon’ claim that I woke him up when I beat comp, it's true
But I’ll decomp him, too
Since he's weaker than the comp that I’ve been sleepwalking through!
See, I figured you would've doubted me
Psycho, go Norman Bates: this the interlude in the shower scene
Try to jet with a buck, the twist is you are about to see
This bitch’s life going down the drain!
We got different views of what power means!
Fucking irrelevant douche!
You're a menace to who?
Left swing will take out your top like a Leninist coup
Turn choke artist, any trouble with your memory, dude
And a short round see him lose heart like the Temple of Doom!
Let's go!
Said, fuck a check and the views!
I'm just gunning for his neck and the respect that I'm due
And dead it with any talk about the weapons you use, or what the Heckler do
‘Cause that won't ever be true
You see Sketch get marked out for them fake white lines
Come after this pussy, spraying like Pepe Le Pew!
I won't, actually
But talking ‘bout the heaters that he's grippin’?
He's just fucking with you all
Fetal position: if I ain't feeling his image, Sketch is getting crumpled in a ball!
Them gun bars got him looking like a tacky cornball
That’d change colors once the cans are drawn, like Andy Warhol!
You had your 15 seconds…still never made it, damn!
How’s it feel to use the title as a trinket just to decorate your past?
How's it feel to know that Sketch with chain in hand only denigrates the brand?
How's it feel to know you're too boring to entertain the fans?
And they don't fuck with you!
All you're ever celebrated as
Is the popular consensus as 11th-favorite champ!
(Talk that former champ shit!)
Right?
Right! You would say that!
I mean, what originality did you get the chain with?
You took the template Bender painted, replicated it in pencil shavings
Replicated in pen-
What I meant to say is: Sketch is basic
Should know better
Protester: I’ll make Sketch a STATEMENT!
Like, THIS SHIT ISN’T A BATTLE, IT’S A DEMONSTRATION!!!
Pen Valyrian steel: I never let my sword rust
He always say the same shit: Sketch, he rep that short bus
Hodor playing gatekeeper: been impressed with your guts
But he knew he had to die when he kept that door shut
Quality