[Round 1: Carter Deems]
I love it when you rap about blasting the heater
In 2006 you rapped about grabbing the strap on his backpack and classic sneakers
I told him to just rap against the cats in his class and he went to Wal-Mart and battled the greeters
You still take personals personal and that's pretty bad for a rapping geezer
Like I could say uh, his music's so bad it actually attacks the speakers or
He had to pay Illmac' a stack for just half a feature
And he starts shaking his head no so violently you'd think he's the one that's been having the seizure
I feel bad for you it's like there's something you have to prove
No matter how ridiculous I rap at you
Like I could say, "The Saurus loves to eat bags of poo
While he rides in the back of a kangaroo"
And he'd look straight in the camera and say, "That isn't true."
But face the facts my dude, eating bags of poo is something you actually do
Now this is where you look in the camera too, shake your head no and show off that sassy attitude
You're a sassy dude
But I want you to be happy too
He tried to be the big dog but puffed his chest up like Scrappy Doo
Rapping about the gats and scrapping like little Scrappy do
He saw the younger cats rapping about Macs and tools so that's the way he started rapping too
But coming from you it sounds sadder than all the jazz and blues in Baton Rouge
Me? I'm covered in ice, I'm acting cool, passing through
The diamonds in my grill; black and blue like a nasty bruise
I be biting down on the karats/carrots so much you think I'm eating rabbit food
I'm living wild like a rabbit do
I'm a rabid dude, my ice stay flashing you
Like I pulled up my shirt and showed my abs to you
I drag this dude, I brought bags for you like I'm packed to move
I'll pull out the gats and start blasting you
You see more flashes than a fashion shoot
See none of that's stuff that I actually do
But it still doesn't sound half as sad as you cause at least I can admit that it's not actually true
This old dude: old news, I use the magazines to move past the issues
Use the piece to make a hole so big I can pass a fist through
See I still don't sound half as sad as this dude
Somebody grab the tissue
But not before I crack his ribs through
Attack jujitsu, flip back and kick you
He has nice blocks but my round house cold; that's an igloo
I'll push him off the top floor see him falling on his face
Now that's a scary story, but your plots always been that grave
I got the will to make some dollars off his fate
I'll keep earning on this man 'til I put this body on display
Urn? Mantel? Body on display?
You got beat by QP so I thought you might like getting bodied in this way
And I knew you'd start arguing today
I just called you out like two seconds ago and you decided to fall for it anyway
[Round 1: The Saurus]
First thing first, Team Ganik all decade
But a small shout to Gully and his little underground army
For all showing up to be here for P-Nut's coming out party
Does Team Gully really want a war? "No" is the short answer
A bunch of benchwarmers talking 'bout pitching; that's sports banter
You poor fans got these cheesy bums lowering your standards
And we're the only ones who can pick it back up like Thor's Hammer
You one of those sneaky fucking vegans
Y'all know just the type
Try to push their vegan propaganda on you to help adjust your life
One time Carter made me coffee, I got sick after I sipped it once or twice
He said, "It could've been the manure-fed goat's milk with mushroom spice."
Now, you only really get a chance to get revenge so much in life
So the next week, I made him some coffee, but he watched me put in all the stuff he likes
I said, "How is it?" He said, "That goat's milk really settles in my stomach right."
I said, "Huh. That's good 'cause I've got some news for you...I fucked your wife!"
Let's go Carter, I got a question for you
Are you a go-karter? Like do you go-kart- do you go-go-karting?
Where do you go, Carter?
Your whole squad gets stonewashed in cold water
Let's get this slaughter of a show started
The Generals verse the Globetrotters
Carter, you shark food in my pool, you getting chewed apart
You remind me of the youngest son from Home Improvement...you a Mark
If you think you gonna win today, it'll be hard trying
'Cause Carter's got a name that I can spell out and do a "put you in the ER" line
Not yet though, not yet though
The streets told me you would 3-0 me; well, let me hear that from Carter Deems himself
'Cause since he lost to Bonnie, shit, I just hope Carter redeems himself
It's ironic you got that "still goes trick-or-treating" swag
'Cause when I open doors for you, I'm only giving Deems the bag
He thought he had a trip to Toronto for three nice days
But this is boot camp for Gully and his G.I. Janes
And Bonnie beat you dressed as Catwoman, need I say?
That's the biggest L a cat gave you since feline AIDS
And when you see (C) A.R.'s T leads you to the E.R
Time
[Round 2: Carter Deems]
They say I'm unbeatable but that isn't true
I've lost, sock after sock, I've got like 16 different pairs of missing shoes
I've been beat, everyday in middle school
I've lost my composure on multiple interviews
I spent 50K on a degree that I didn't use
I'm awful at board games
I've lost in game of Life, Trivial Pursuit
Risk, Taboo, multiple attempts at Clue
Forget a battle, when it comes to Scrabble I've lost every match up I didn't lose
When it comes to Scrabble my mom's intense
I started out with confidence but I've lost it since
Cause when I let her (letter) square up I took four L's in a row cause all I had were consonants
Then I had to face the consequence
I took a risk in Risk and lost all my continents
I took a poop on myself I lost all my continence
I ruined my boxers they were cotton knits
The material was very thin but poop still got caught in it
Now I know he's probably gonna make fun of my overuse of homophones
So I'll go ahead and call it myself, here hold my phone
Yesterday I went to the AT&T store, that's the home of phones
Whenever I get in trouble I talk like E.T. cause it's home I phone
Now that's such a reach it's like I dislocated my arm again
But he'll probably take my word games and try to copy them
But it'll be a problem when he realizes no one's ever gone to a thesaurus for homonyms
And that's the way I'm "homming" him
That was supposed to be "that's the way I'm harming him"
I'm marching in like army men with a couple toys, Barbie/Ken
You can catch me in a cardigan, the car Carter in slicker than a charlatan
And it's gassed up like I had to fart again
He tries so bad to be fly but everyone knows that's a cardinal sin
My bars set the bar, his go below it
When my flow is on it there's no opponent
If you hear a dope homonym then you know who wrote it
This nerd stays scared of my wordplay he's homophonic
[Round 2: The Saurus]
He tried to use a prop on me with his use of homophones
But I wouldn't accept that shit cause I didn't want to use a homo's phone
And that line is even more dope 'cause I'm not even a homophobe
There ain't a Greg-Oden's-kneecap's chance in Hell, the rookie's squad is better than ours
You're the ones getting the shot, we're the ones setting the bar
Most of you up-and-comers do nothing to set you apart
And that covers more than half the field like Kevin Millar
Fuck it, it's the art of war, that's what this card is for
Bow his throat, cap his head, what you think I cover Carter for?
No-holds-barred on this broad, not what you bargained for
I thought you was the cat man, dawg, what you barking for?
Now I'm sure there's things about you that a few folks have wondered
So let's get sweatpants and a Snuggie; that's too close/two clothes for comfort
You can't tell me that it's not true
Besides me, the biggest opponent that you ever lost to...was law school
You flunked out, couldn't pass the bars, stuck in stalemate
An epileptic vegan; for dessert you had a kale...shake
Now, I'm not trying to steal the spotlight, I don't wanna seize your moment
I said, try to steal those spotlights or he'll have a seizure moment
Homie, there's some shit me and you need to talk about
You look like you got your style off Junior from Problem Child
And how come Carter's bars are all like this
"If he has the heart to be on the card at all he just
Needs a cardiologist
It isn't fair but if he calls me a 'carny' I'll adjust"
Dawg, I'm sorry, but it's corny, all of this
When it's over, I'll be a poet remembered like Leonard Cohen
You're only here to keep your name going up like the credits rolling
So you better know the right moves if you choose to box with Ryu
Or sleep with one eye open, 'cause in the future, I'mma fry you
I'm a student of the game who never left the classroom
Cause my locker was the same one from Men In Black 2
Got something pointed at your head that'll temple-tap you
Your pen game's getting washed like a henna tattoo
Now go get some cat food, motherfucker; that's two!

[Round 3: Carter Deems]
He said I was a bad student well I took my grades and I improved it
I actually did graduate from law school I have 50K in student loan to prove it
You have to force your multis which is something that I would never do
Cause I'm a rhyme good clever dude
With nice foot wrestle moves that'll hit harder than plywood leather shoes
I stood ever true, fly as plywood peckers do
My blood pressure grew, I fight good better too
He calls himself the "G.O.A.T." like this guy loves petting zoos
But when you rap like that it makes me embarrassed to be standing right here next to you
I mean I can actually rap like that just probably harder
You got this Carter
Thanks man
The kid pretend with the guns that's cops and robbers
I keep the piece/peace; that's Dalai Lama
Rocket launcher, see his bones flying; Jolly Rogers
I got a lot of offers, I'm at the top of my class like the smartest scholar who walked at Harvard
Left my alma mater with all the honors
I make it clear that I bottle water
You get bodied harder than Sargent Slaughter
Call the doctor, wear some body armor cause I brought the molly whoppers
While your punches are prolly softer than Socker Boppers
You can bet your bottom dollar I pop the chopper til his body's rotten
Pop and locking, body rocking, hardly walking, rock his noggin
Top is dropping now he always popping Oxycontin
That's not an option when my squad is marching
You'll see these (D's) like Dolly Parton
I'll alacarte him let my cat massagers knock him back to Olive Garden so he can get my pasta started
That was exhausting
And that's similar to something he's actually spit before
You know how many battles he's been in before?
5,337,000, 68, 54 infinity more
I watched one and I couldn't take it anymore
This battle's not even over yet and I'm already really bored
You'll awful man I'm not a fan
Your punches are like swamps and sand, they hardly land
Me? I hang out til it's time to cook like pots and pans
You keep talking fishy like Aqua Man
I'll leave his body twitching like a Princess Leia hologram
I know getting arthritis was not the plan
But at your age it's pretty common man
That means he got a weak pen like a faulty hand
Still you have more performance to fool all your fans
But when it comes to being a writer you're the worst type like comic sans
I don't have to keep a lookout
I'm an Eagle Scout, so be prepared
I'll have him leaking air like he needs a spare
When I start squeezing there I'll have his top changing over time like Justin Bieber hair
I usually keep it fair, me having beef is rare
But I'll pull a 180, lunch lady if the doe/dough and cheese is there
He'll get served like a school lunch cause this pizza (Pete's a) square
All of his guns exist in his head; it's like he's shooting The Matrix
Pretending he's having a duel with agents
Claiming the government uses computers and other tools to contain us
But they always kept an eye out on the kid, so I'm used to surveillance
I mean, I knew I would make it but I got bored again
Dr. Kevorkian, I'm losing my patience
So tell Rone I'm after the throne if he refuses I'll take it
Crack his brains, snatch his chain and wear it as a super-cute anklet

[Round 3: The Saurus]
Now, when it comes to rebuttals I always drop a few heaters

{The Saurus has microphone issues}

You wanna know how I know this cat's not tight?
Cause I just motherfucking snatched his mic
So when it comes to rebuttals, I always drop a few heaters
And you're like the Comic Sans of people, cause I'm not font (fond) of you either
He can't do that!
Now, being a gambler is not related to the dreams I'm building
I don't need luck to feed my children, I'm not T.Y. Hilton
I like when you go from rapping about the weapons that you've made it ring with
To rapping about the 'A' in English Mr. Feeny gave you, Minkus
It's three rounds in, and he's hardly been mean at all to me
Carter Deems? More like Carter Redeeming Qualities
How the fuck is Carter someone I can ever win against?
It's like basing a baseball game off of the seventh-inning-stretch
I don't get it, but I'm guessing that you fans might know
So did y'all come to watch the game or the halftime show?
You really think a figure skaters gonna test me in hockey?
I'll put you on ice if you wanna make that penalty, box me
You probably thought that I'd be scared to battle with this type of terror
And you're right, I just hide it better than a sniper's rifle barrel
But as rappers it ain't even slightly fair so why compare us?
This is Bird, Magic and Michael's era to Michael Cera
What it is Carter?
I'm not gonna front, I'm pissed Carter
You never thanked me for donating to your Kickstarter
To get your scooter that new kick starter
I heard you The Cat God I'll stigmata your wrists Carter
We in Toronto but I'm going grizzly on him to convince Carter
Now you've been battling since Grind Time and still never been a main event
You couldn't even get cards to pay you then, there was something wrong with your ATM
(That's an Easter Egg for OGs)
Always something off with him
Y'all as a team was like the sound of Autism mixed with alcoholism
You're about to fall victim yo this shit'll be nasty
I'm like Griffy at the plate, nothing you pitch will get past me
I can hit you with a car or clip you with the Apache
I got a hundred ways to skin a cat like Itchy & Scratchy
I just hit you with some life facts so you ain't gonna fight back
And I'm sorry to ruin y'alls nightcap but he doesn't even like cats