[Round 1: Kid Twist]
This is the battle you wanted your whole life
Well you were destined for me
This was the battle I took so Sketch would stop fucking messaging me
You've got a weird obsession with me
I'm not worried I'll lose to this dude
I'm worried my stalkers trying to turn me into a skin suit
He's got a lens with a long zoom and a dark room with all the pictures he takes of me
He makes Youtube accounts just to hate on me
And his other accounts reply praising me
And if you go into his basement down his hidden stairwell
You'll see the Kid Twist statue he built out of my old bottles of hair gel
That's fucked up
But on some real shit, the Blue Jays owe me stacks
The dude with flips in the Six, I was known as that way before Joey Bats
So quit the phony act, don't pretend that we rap the same
The only time you see Cheese come off the head is the end of a Packers game
Your real name is Shea Roger, I thought it was "Gay Focker"
And how's your rap name "Cheddar" when you've never aged proper?
You've got the age of a preteen, the physique of a decayed Walker
So any girl who dates you is both a cradle AND grave robber
I'm saying you're an awkward-looking dork
And that's what every song you've wrote about, too
So what are we battling for if we're both making jokes about you!?
Even as a parody artist, you're hard to take serious
If Weird Al was here now he'd be on some Ghostface shit
He gave you a grace period
But that's not fair, cause "Weird" Al is nicer when he flows on rapper's music
You took your whole style from "Amish Paradise", but can't hold a candle to it
You're a copy of a copy, so the fact that you have a rep seems wrong
You even bit your slogan from the fucking Chia Pet theme song!
Ch-Ch-Ch-Chia!
Fuck outta here!
And since you took your battle rubric off me, ask Shuffle how it went when pupils fought me
It's YTV in the '90s, the way I show you student bodies!
'Cause I'll always be the best joker
It's like when Heath Ledger moved on
They only let Jared Leto play the part 'cause I slept for too long!
[Round 1: Chedda Cheese]
First of all, you're 29 and you call yourself a kid
Enough with the babble, time to trade Nickelodeon for Discovery Channel
Somebody should take legal action on you like a judge with a gavel
Then take the Kid out of your name like a custody battle
And all you underground nerds can get laid out like a futon, son
I'll body Snak The Ripper and Mad Child in a 2 on 1
But as for Twist? You think you're better with the words, I'll even beat you on the Scrabble board
Show up at your mansion and I'll push you off your paddle board
Looking more hipster than the people that you battle for
Hipster like Macklemore working at the Apple Store
On top of that, you're the girliest opponent that I've had before
Girly like Mandy Moore working at the candy store
A copycat with a big-ass beak, it isn't hard to see
That means I wrote to kill a mockingbird like Harper Lee
But you've been writing a book for ten years, suffering from writer's block
Laughed when I saw this comic stripped of his title shot
Now King Of The Dot won't book marks like Kid Twist getting paid to rap
Got no spine, that's why they want their paper back
But your career as a battler and author are morbidly alike
It speaks volumes that you got so many issues when performing on the mic
But it's too late to turn the page on all that corny shit you write
'Cause this is the final chapter in the story of your life

[Round 2: Kid Twist]
Calling me a nerd, but you're the biggest nerd we've seen this far
You say I work at the Apple Store? Yeah, 'cause every line is a genius bar!
His shit is so white, I guarantee there will be no fight
And they'll post it to WorldStar titled, "When Keeping It Real Goes Right!"
But you've named yourself "Chedda" instead of "Cheddar"
'Cause you think it sounds urban and hard
Fuck off, we know damn well you say that word with an "R"
Look, we all go through that awkward looking-for-acceptance stage
You remind me of myself in 7th grade, except you're 28
So, if you and T-Rex battle, man, that shit would be a tense one
'Cause "grown man bars", that's something you're exempt from!
And with that squeaky-ass voice, no girl is taking you home with her
You're Doc Ellis: from that high pitch, your game is a no-hitter
But I'm honestly surprised that your name didn't grow bigger
I mean we heard you on all those early beats from Kanye: you're a dope singer
Your facial skin is full of deep pits and grease slicks
You're like a snack addict
Always popping cheese zits
You rep Alberta so hard your whole face is an oil patch
So now that [?] took over you gotta move to avoid the tax
This is what you wanted
But the ending to his daydream is grim
Cheese crushed in a bag, I'm making KD with him
You introduce yourself as Marshall to the ladies and grin
But even when they think you're Eminem, the chance they want the Shea D is slim!
{minor choke}
His fans are like, "Yo, check out the flows he drops. They're advanced."
What? 'Cause he just got very amped and did the Night At The Roxbury dance?
Ayo, hickory, dickory, dock
If you spit with this rhythm, then stop
The doctors need new drugs when they're treating ya
'Cause your shit sounds like Bone Thugs with leukemia
They say that I'm a comic, not a rapper
Well if that hype's true, I would rather not rap than fucking rap like you!
His flow is nothing if you can't write too
So I'll never think you're tight
'Cause I can count your quotables on one hand if that hand was Fingaz' right
[Round 2: Chedda Cheese]
How do you constantly complain about the politics in battles
And then literally bring a politician to your battle?
How do you pull the biggest gimmick of the year and still get bodied every round?
You embarrassed Norm Kelly and you let your city down
You're a disgrace, could've done it in a way that had some taste
Instead of "Here's Norm Kelly. You can say it to his face."
Man, that's like winning a million and dropping it at The Dollar Store
Like casting a super villain and ending up with Pauly Shore
That's like having a crystal ball and just before it shows you the future and what it's got in store
You drop it on the marble floor
In terms that you can follow more
That's like coming to battle with a holographic Charizard and laying down a Bulbasaur
And yeah Norm Kelly dissed me last night, it was comical actually
But [?] told me to tell you and your family to tell Norm that he's no longer welcome in Calgary
Man, you know I got that hometown advantage, no matter the scenario
I'm Kanye in Chicago, Don Cherry in Ontario
Got all of Canada with me
Feel like the man in my city
Feel like the Pope, when he's walking through Vatican City
Swagged out, chilling in the Sistine Chapel
While you hanging out at home, watching Sixteen Candles
But do you know where Twist is in his element? Twisted Element
(That's the gay bar in Calgary)
When the Kid's here, shit gets weird
This here won't cut it
Got fleas all in that little beard and grease all in that mullet
Type of shit you can't stomach, whole career about to plummet
When I rap like I'm rapping on beat, you pretend that you hate it, but I know you love it!
[Round 3: Kid Twist]
Man, all that rhythm shit you do is too extra
You just make it look like rhyming is hard
You brought up Pokemon holographs cause that's the only time you had shine on a card
This is where it gets real
I'm sorry I gotta do this
But it's about time his personal life really got exposed
So I was gonna dig up dirt but sometimes it's just better not to know
What? You thought I was gonna drop some heavy personals? That's not our lane
And I don't need Caustic's shit to beat you, I am not Arcane
You got all my qualities they don't like but at exaggerated heights
It's like a Youtube comment about me came to life
Cause I'm Pharrell, Corey's Chad, you're the other guy that hung about
You know, the one in the N.E.R.D. crew nobody gives a fuck about
Look, that was a bit harsh, I'm just trying to put him back in his place
Cause getting compared to Charron, that's a slap in the face
If K-Shine had smacked you? Your head would've damn near been severed from your neck
Cause all it would take is that flick of the wrist that Chedda to connect
Imagine he played his own shit at the strip club
Now that's fucked up to picture
You're watching a girl twerk to Chedda singing about his allergies to dust as you tip her
And you date so workers so you feel T's Pain being In Love With A Stripper
Cause there is not a surface in your house that isn't covered in glitter
If you thought C was fire, it must've been your team logo
I'm here to keep these nerds in line like a chess team photo
So now I got him in a panic, you should pop another Xanax
I'll show Jay Baruchel how this shit works that's Popular Mechanics
You thought it was your big shot when you saw our names up on the poster
But you don't want this spotlight, it's Frostbite you'll lose face from the exposure
And you brought up Pauly Shore but remember that scene in The Goofy Movie?
Well that's how I can leave ya, cause these punches got Chedda leaning; Tower Of Cheeza!
I'm a missionary, I'm invading his turf just to take him to church
I know you all hate my city too so that's just making it worse
But it's like Alberta and Ontario had our locations reversed
Cause you paid me for heat and I gave him this work

[Round 3: Chedda Cheese]
You wanna do some Pokemon rebuttals I'll be catching 'em all
Like how I rap, won't stop til competitors fall
But you have never gotten better at all
Like Pikachu in the original series I guess you'll never evolve
And I'd much rather be the DJ at the strip club making some of the wealth
Than the creepy virgin who gets kicked out for touching himself
Man your rounds are waaay longer than 90 seconds
I guess battle rap is always on your mind
I'm glad you were so inspired to think about me for such a long amount of time
You've been strategically writing for every possible scenario that might unfold
I'm just still trying to figure out was blue and black or white and gold
My style is brand new, ready to blow like it's carbonated
Your style is old, washed up, boring and carbon dated
Contemplated on some complicated schemes and concentrated
Stay calm, accommodated my thoughts as they congregated
Then it came to me, you and I are nothing alike
I was trying to make comparisons but ended up with nothing to write
So don't compare us to each other on some white guy shit
Just cause you drive like this and hi-five like this
Cause from battles to music, Alex Larson doesn't fit
I'm Alan Parson's on the mix, Max Martin with the hits
I kill it in ways that Al Larson couldn't wish
Got me raising my voice like Al Sharpton in this bitch
Take skinny nerdy white guys like me, 360 and Rone
And then compare them to people like Kid Twist and Charron
It's not the same
We're completely different types of rappers
And if you can't tell the difference your opinion doesn't matter
I'm sorry
Always acting like some sort of proud father
Think you're everybody's idol cause you been around longer
But I remember when I had no rhythm
When I never had a clue
Then I stepped my game up while you did nothing to improve
So you can try to claim that I've been looking up to you
But I surpassed your level years ago, who's looking up to who?