[Verse 1]
I heard there is no Christmas in the silly Middle East
No trees, no snow, no Santa Claus
They have different religious beliefs
They believe in Muhammad and not in our holiday
And so every December I go to the Middle East and say

[Chorus]
Hey there Mr. Muslim!
Merry fucking Christmas!
Put down that book the Quran
And hear some holiday wishes
In case you haven't noticed, it's Jesus' birthday
So get off your heathen Muslim ass and fucking celebrate!

[Verse 2]
There is no holiday season in India I've heard
They don't hang up their stockings and that is just absurd
They've never read a Christmas story
They don't know what Rudolph is about
And that is why in December
I'll go to India and shout

[Chorus]
Hey there Mr. Hinduist!
Merry fucking Christmas!
Drink eggnog and eat some beef
And pass it to the missus
In case you haven't noticed, it's Jesus' birthday!
So get off your heathen Hindu ass and fucking celebrate!
[Verse 3]
Now I heard that in Japan, everyone just lives in sin
They pray to several gods and put needles in their skin
On December 25, all they do is eat a cake
And that is why I go to Japan and walk around and say

[Chorus]
Hey there Mr. Shintoist!
Merry fucking Christmas!
God is gonna kick your ass
You infidelic pagan scum!
In case you haven't noticed, there's festive things to do!
So lets all rejoice for Jesus and merry fucking Christmas to you

[Outro]
On Christmas Day
I travel 'round the world and say
Taoists, Krishnas, Buddhists, and all you atheists too
Merry fucking Christmas to you!