[Verse 1]
Have you ever had an uninvited guest?
Why did you wear sweatpants the day she wore that dress?
You put a book on it, your woody wouldn't quit
Think of disgusting things and don't encourage it
And then it starts to ache, zipper's about to break
You're using every trick to try to tame your trouser snake
Listen and listen good, don' t cover up your wood
A woody never should

[Pre-Chorus]
Ever have to be caged or blocked
Unlock your jock
Just let it pop
Like a jack in the box

[Chorus]
Show 'em that your willy works
A stiffy shouldn't have to hurt
Make em scream "oh my god"
As you shock 'em with your lightning rod
Baby, let your mojo rise
It doesn't matter what the size
You don't have to feel ashamed
Like Miley it just can't be tamed
[Bridge]
Boing, boing, boing
Even bigger than a Boeing, Boeing, Boeing
Sometimes it can be annoying-noying-noying
But now your confidence is growing

[Chorus]
Put your package on display
Even if they scream and run away
You're the jockey of your one-eyed horse
I'm talking bout your dong, of course
Someday when you're old and bored
You'll wish that you had shown it more
It's the reason that the world was born
Every girl believes in unicorns

[Bridge]
Doing, ding, dong
Someday random chubbies will be gone
Doing, ding, dong
Can't believe I wrote a whole schlong song