[Intro: Connor Edwards]
This next track is rated PG for "Pop-punk Garbage" and "Probably Gay"

[Chorus: Connor Edwards]
I tripped over, I'm on morphine
Touch my dick, I'm only fourteen
I tripped over, I'm on morphine
Touch my dick, I'm only fourteen

[Verse: Connor Edwards]
I touched dicks with my scout leader
He showed me how to masturbate
I touched dicks with my pastor
He showed me how to pass the plate
I touched dicks with my Rastas'
They showed me how to pasta bake
I touched dicks with an actor
He showed me how to pass the blame
I touched dicks with the castor
He showed me how to pass the bait
I touched dicks with your mom
It showed me she was gay (No, you)

[Bridge: Connor Edwards]
I hate my life, you can suck my bell-end
I hate my life and you can't comprehend
I hate my life, I don't have any friends
I hate my life and I want it to end
[Interlude: Danny DeVito]
You whore

[Chorus: Connor Edwards]
I tripped over, I'm on morphine
Touch my dick, I'm only fourteen
I tripped over, I'm on morphine
Touch my dick, I'm only fourteen