[Verse 1: Sugar Bear (NemRaps)]
You know I can't get enough of that Golden Crisp
Try to take my bowl, pimp-smacked with an open fist (Uh)
Poppin' up wit' no pants, you can't ignore me
I'm smooth, daddy, puffin' wheat since the '40s
Your girl wanna cereal and chill
Stick a paw deep into the box, that's a meal (Ah, yeah)
Got the energy, keep me goin' for hours
Pour my cereal over your head, golden showers (Ah)
Look, is it good for you? I admit it's not
Bowl's so sweet, I'll put you in a diabetic shock
Sugar Bear is the illest to spit a real verse
These other dudes weird, like people who pour the milk first

[Verse 2: Cap'n Crunch (Freeced) & Shwabadi]
There once was a ship pursued through milk
By pirates, sirens, and all their ilk
They all want a taste of Captain C
But the secret of the crunch goes down with me
Any cat can see the captaincy of Captain C is what's happening
I keep my dog at my side (Ruff)
And stacks of wheat in fine packaging
I don't rack up rings, they're rafts to me (Oh)
Send the old veteran in to wet up competitors
Staying fresher than veg is 'cause I refuse all dairy
Every vessel says they wanna send me to Heaven
So where the hell are my enemies, then?
Oops, all buried (Ayy)
[Verse 3: Snap, Crackle, and Pop (Rustage, Shwabadi & Connor Quest!)]
Snap, Crackle, and Pop (Yuh)
Manhandle an opp (Yeah)
Way we bag 'em, get 'em packed in a box (Woo)
Reppin' Kellogs, but no cornflakes, so we crackin' one off (What?)
We been here since '33, but still a standard in shops, uh (Yeah)
Way I'm snappin' like it's poetry (Yeah)
I'ma get 'em cut out like a voucher, we can go for free (Ha, yeah)
Listen to them snap-snap-snap like it's bone disease (Yeah) (Yeah)
They could put my name up on my clothing so they know it's me (What?)
Crackle in the clouds, but I haven't died
It's mad electric, give 'em both hands
Pow-pow, that's a balanced breakfast (Yeah, yeah) (Wee)
We feed a nation, adults, babies, and the adolescents (Okay, okay)
No beans and bacon, wheat? Replace 'em
Crackle, crack, and egg 'em (Yeah, come on)
Sonnin' other cereal's the father, the papa
No AdBlocker could stop us when we pop up (Nah)
Shoppers gon' flock to the cockiest partners (Who?)
I got Coco beggin' to be top of the pops, bruh (Bruh)
We're not gnoblins, we're problems up in the studio (That's right)
Multi-grained, we're cutting shapes, and movin' to and fro
Wee men on top of tables, it's subbuteo (Yeah)
We don't need to sugarcoat it (Huh?), should've noticed, you've been gnomed

[Interlude: Sir Grapefellow (The Stupendium)]
Hello, look out below
It's Grapefellow
The fruitiest of troops to shoot with hoops and marshmallows
The grapest aviator ever getting the kills
I hate to pull rank, but I'm a General Mills
[Verse 4: Sonny the Cuckoo (Chi-Chi)]
Life is always sunny when you're
Off your rocker and in the money, feelin' that
Woo-hoo, cuckoo
Got me feelin' choco-lovely
Hey, you know no matter where I go
I give a brand-new meaning to "in love with the coco"
Hold on the lobotomy, breakin' the monotony
With munchy crunchy, don't forget the chocolate, hoo
And you can call it insane
Rollin' in so much, I make it chocolate rain
And, baby, maybe I'm a little bit of an addict
But, hey, my puffs got nothin' artificially added

[Verse 5: Trix Rabbit (CG5)]
I'm gonna serve you as part of a complete breakfast
Hoppin' right into it, these bars are the freshest
With all the little kids takin' what's rightfully mine
Well, I've had enough this time
'Cause I just want a bowl of fruity heaven right in front of me
So why are all these stupid little children makin' fun of me?
Takin' one bite would be my dream come true
Yet it's always out of reach, so I'm gonna kill you
Can't you all stop callin' me a silly rabbit?
'Cause I'm on my last nerve and I've about had it
I have an idea, let me eat the freakin' cereal
Just because you're human doesn't mean that I'm inferior
[Verse 6: Toucan Sam (The Stupendium)]
It's Toucan Sam, flew the coop from the UK
This toucan can root out the fruitiest bouquets (Oh, my)
My fool-proof snoot plots a route to where loops lay
You're drawin' a blank trackin' the oot-fray oops-lay (Oh, fruity)
For generations, leaving snacking fulfilled
I make waves every day when I splash in the milk
I rep whole grain, so I'm stackin' the mills
If you ever wonder why toucans have bands on their bills
I'm rocking the monopoly on tropical O's
Though the nature of the flavour, no one properly knows
Orange, lemon, cherry, well, it's probably those
But if you want to know yourself, you've got to follow your nose

[Verse 7: Count Chocula (CK9C)]
*Laughter*
Don't make a sound, crawling out of your favorite holiday
With a bite to fear, I reappear, how 'bout a monster for breakfast today?
Of all the scary cereals, I simply am the best
Don't care what FrankenBerry said about it
My double chocolatey flavor outshines the rest
I should be year-round, but they won't allow it
To make the most of all this
Got my pals, some less than honest
Halloween, it calls upon us
I'll be back, yes, that's a promise

[Verse 8: Quisp & Quake (The Stupendium)]
We're Quisp and Quake
Every nibble you take
Will leave you wishin' for space
Or simply give you the shakes
I'm the winner for taste
Or so my adversary claims
Don't tell 'em that our recipe's exactly the same

[Verse 9: King Vitaman (The Stupendium)]
King Vitaman, formerly King Vitamin
They made us change it when the courts couldn't find 'em
In truth, our nutritional benefits never meant a thing
But how else you gonna get to sit at breakfast with a king?

[Verse 10: Tony the Tiger (Daddyphatsnaps)]
Eye of a tiger
It ain't the only Tony that's pushin' white of the finest (Hoo)
I'm corny, down to the items (Hoo)
But steady pushin' the vitamins (Yeah)
I see I got they blood-pressure risin' (What?)
It's a good thing I'm chock full of niacin (Ha)
Eat it up, it's good to see you earnin' your stripes (Woah)
These other cypher cereals is worse than burger and fries (Woah)
The GOAT has arrived, and either you believe it or lied (Yeah)
I'm top three and two and three are beside me (Yeah), I'm great (I'm great)
Sayin', "Cheerio" to all cerealians (Yeah)
They Froot Loops if they thinkin' those collectives gonna bury us
Bee to a Siberian, a bit hilarious
I put you in a body bag, AK you generic bitch

[Verse 11: Professor Weeto (Professor Elemental)]
Professor Weeto re-presents my lovely chocolate hoops
And a memorable jingle, impossibly produced
In a lab filled with sugar and choccy cow juice
I'm down at the bottom, but was once brand new
In the '90s I was nice, easily the best
There's a prize in every box, a dinosaur, a magic set
I used to have the lot, but I'm lost just like my hair is
And I'm aware that my glare through the box would often scare kids
Careless, but loveable, chocolate milk chuggable
Gosh, I miss that box, the '90s were so wonderful
But I'll make it out the lab, come back over drum tracks
Never mind a grudge match, I've come to bring the fun back

[Verse 12: Coco the Monkey (Breeton Boi)]
Uhm, when they see Coco, know it's already done (Huh?)
I be talkin' all my talk and they be holdin' their tongue (Huh?)
'Cause they know Coco Pops and milk make a bowl full of fun (Woo)
So best believe when Coco pops, that mean he goin' off (Uh-huh)
Everyone call Coco "pops" because he sonnin' y'all (Uh-huh)
You ain't crafty for thinking you can come at me
So the only crocs that I wan' see? The ones I'm steppin' on (Bam)
I ain't H&M (Hoo)
Still the coolest monkey in the jungle, tell a friend, huh
Never been a bored ape, but my cereal sales could get a yacht
And a club without any NFTs involved, wassup

[Verse 13: Quaker Man (The Stupendium)]
Good gracious, fans, this is really quite a schism (Oh, no)
The Quakers suggests we all practice some quietism (I concur)
Part of a balanced breakfast, well, rhyming isn't
Though I recommend you consult a dietician

[Verse 14: Chip the Wolf (GameboyJones)]
I did it for the cookie, no limp biscuit
Been that misfit, one that your parents can get with
Yeah, C-O-O-K-I-E, now let me spell it out
Your mama even likes me, been the sweetest thing inside her mouth (Sheesh)
Woof-woof, they lettin' the wolf loose
That doggy that came before me, we gave him the deuce-deuce
And who knew (Huh?), people accepted the new dude?
I've always been on the rise like takin' a Blue Chew (Ha)
Chip be stackin' chips, call that General Mills
And when the chips are stacked against me, bet I'll get 'em all still
'Cause if you wishin' that I'll fumble, you best believe you'll get humbled
And all I'll say for rebuttal, that's the way the cookie crumbles (Awoo)

[Verse 15: Lucky the Leprechaun (The Stupendium)]
There'll always after me Lucky Charms
Get your mitts on me marbits? Askin' to come to harm
It's a sham, rockin' up, try to nab a few spoons
Only gettin' peace and quiet once in every blue moon
When you're tasked with playing guardian to the magically delicious
From the pilferers and purloiners, so fanatically pernicious (No)
Well, you'd have to be a wizard, kids are manic, and they're vicious
It's exasperating, frankly, sick of grantin' all your wishes
Sick of jiggy in the middle with you huntin' me stuff
Always playin' second fiddle, kiddies runnin' amok
See me charms be devoured? Well, it's gonna be tough
I got marshmallow power, double me luck

[Verse 16: Cornelius "Corny" Rooster (Dan Bull)]
Cock-a-doodle-doo, motherclucker, what are you gonna do?
I'm the rudest of roosters, unruly but rulin' the roost
This is more than a mornin' wake-up call
It's a warnin', I'm warmin' up when I straight up squawk in your space
Peckin' your retinas, wreckin' and rippin' your face off, mauled
So you'll have to take off more than a couple days off school
My opps are like hunger, I stave off all
Stay flavourful, even when I flay the fool
Ain't that "ooh", even the milk in the fridge struggles to stay that cool
Who are these corny idiots movin' to Cornelius?
Dude, I've seen what you're doin', it's all tedious
Why so serious? I'm the nicest cereal
Son, I find it surreal, seein' you tryna deal wit' it
And you cannot deny the fact I kill with this whole verse
You're probably the type to put the milk in the bowl first
I move product all day, you tryna do cold turkey
You soggy cornflake, I'm flippin' this whole birdie
So like I said, at the top, cock-a-doodle-doo
You got boxed in the head by the head on the box, so toodle-oo