[ENSEMBLE]
Better listen up!
Better heed our warning!
Or don't, see if we care
But just so you're aware
You might be dead by morning
Go on!
Say that this is fake
But for us, it's freaky frightening
[ANNABETH]
Your lives are all at stake!
[GROVER]
So don't nobody take
[ALL]
Or steal a bolt of lightning
Don't believe us? Percy, take it away
(?)
[PERCY]
Look, I didn't wanna be a half-blood
I didn't wanna be a hero seeking praise
Hey, being a half-blood is scary
Mostly gets you killed in very nasty ways
I didn't wanna cause trouble, trouble
I'm less a player and more the played
And honestly I'd totally be fine if I could make it through the sixth grade, sixth grade
It wasn't dirty socks or my stepdad
It was danger that I smelled
The day it all went down
The day I got expelled
(spoken)
Okay, I know you're asking, what's a half-blood? Well, don't. See, before I heard that word, my life wasn't perfect. But after? Let me set the scene
(sung)
We were on this freaky field trip
[ENSEMBLE]
Freaky trip!
[PERCY]
That's when the story should probably start
{ENSEMBLE]
Ooh
[ALL]
We were geeking out on ancient Greek at the New York Metropolitan Museum of Art!
[PERCY]
We stopped by all the
[ALL]
Statues!
[PERCY]
And learned about the
[ALL]
Gods!
[PERCY]
With Mr. Brunner and my substitute Mrs. Dodds
Hadn't done nothing wrong, wasn't rude, hadn't rebelled!
[ALL]
On the day it all went down!
[PERCY]
The day I got expelled
[MR. BRUNNER]
(spoken)
The Greek gods! Almighty titans of Earth, sea, and sky. But, even they were children once, and they didn't have it easy. Their father, Kronos, feared the day his children would inherit the Earth. So, what did he do? Anyone? Anyone?
[MRS. DODDS]
He ate them!
[MR. BRUNNER]
Um, thank you, Mrs. Dodds. But one child, Zeus, escaped and devised a plan to rescue his brothers and sisters. He tricked Kronos into eating a rock. And what did Kronos do? Anyone? Any students?
[MRS. DODDS]
He vomited them up!
[PERCY]
(sung)
I didn't really get the story
At least it wasn't boring as I'd feared
But is it me, or is Greek mythology not deeply weird?
I didn't wanna pay attention
[ENSEMBLE]
Pay attention, pay attention!
[PERCY]
But now I wish that I had taken notes
But my focus is in question
And gods and digestion caused a groan from all our throats!
[ENSEMBLE]
Ew!
[GROVER]
Baa!
[PERCY]
(spoken)
Dude, what was that?
[GROVER]
Nothing!
[PERCY]
(sung)
My best friend was acting strange
At which he so excelled
[ALL]
The day it all went down
[PERCY]
The day I got expelled!
(spoken)
Hey, why do you have peanut butter in your hair?
[GROVER]
Um, Nancy Bobofit hit me with a sandwich. Ah!
[PERCY]
Ah, hey, man, you can't let her pick on you like that just 'cause you're the only sixth grader with facial hair
[GROVER]
Hey! She was aiming for you!
[PERCY]
You took a peanut butter sandwich for me? You're a good friend, Grover
[GROVER]
Dude, I'm your only friend
[MRS. DODDS]
Percy Jackson!
[PERCY]
(sung)
I knew something was up
When I heard my name get yelled
[ALL]
The day it all went down!
[PERCY]
I saw something odd in Mrs. Dodds' frown. Ew!
[ALL]
The day it all got weird!
[PERCY]
The day I got expelled!
Ooh-oh-oh!
I got expelled!
[MRS. DODDS]
(spoken)
Please see me by the sphinx!
[ENSEMBLE]
Ooh!
[PERCY]
Look, if this is about Nancy Bobofit, she only hates me because I tried to get her to stop wedgie-ing the first graders
[MRS. DODDS]
I have heard much about you, Percy Jackson
[PERCY]
Really? That's very dedicated for a substitute
[MRS. DODDS]
Kicked out of five schools in six years? One might question your parentage
[PERCY]
Hey, don't blame my mom, she's-
[MRS. DODDS]
And your father? That's right, you don't know who he is!
[PERCY]
What is this about anyways? Uh, hey, Mrs. Dodds? You got something growing on your... Ahh!
[MRS. DODDS]
Feel the fury of a Fury, half-blood!
[MR. BRUNNER]
Woah-ho, Percy, use a pen!
[PERCY]
A pen? What am I supposed with a... sword! Woah! Umm, Mr. Brunner? Mrs. Dodds? Um...
(sung)
I didn't know what just had happened
Was that all a creepy crazy dream?
My teacher was a creature
Then she vanished in the ether with a scary scream
The next thing that I knew
I was where detention was held
The day it all got real
The day I got
(spoken)
Expelled?!
[MR. BRUNNER]
I tried, Percy, but the headmaster stands firm in his decision. You were supposed to stay with the group, and this was your final warning
[PERCY]
But it wasn't my fault, it was Mrs. Dodds! She lured me away, she attacked me! You saw it!
[MR. BRUNNER]
Did I?
[PERCY]
You gave me this pen, only it wasn't a pen, it was a sword. What?
[GROVER]
Percy, we've never had a teacher named Mrs. Dodds
[MR. BRUNNER]
Perhaps it's for the best. This wasn't the place for you. It was only a matter of time before...
[PERCY]
I got kicked out?
[MR. BRUNNER]
That's not what I meant to-
[PERCY]
You think I'm trouble, just like everyone else
[MR. BRUNNER]
No! That is to say, I can only accept the best from you, Percy. Someday you'll understand why. I'm truly sorry
[PERCY]
Yeah, well, I'm sorry I let you down
[GROVER]
Hey, maybe he's right? I mean, you never fit in at this school anyways. You're not exactly...
[PERCY]
Normal?
[GROVER]
Exactly! Oh. I mean, um, see you on the bus?
[PERCY]
(sung)
So if you think you are a half-blood
Better get headed to the exits now
'Cause folks'll think you're lyin'
Better run and don't start cryin'
'Cause you're monster chow
Or stick around and maybe you'll learn from me
This ain't Odysseus's Odyssey
So hear me out
If you're so compelled
[PERCY & (ENSEMBLE)]
This might be sounding weird to you (Ooh-ooh)
But every summer we get through (Ooh-ooh)
Hey, you'll likely get the boot (Ooh-ooh)
If you vaporize your substitute! (Ooh-ooh)
(Your name is Percy Jackson!)
I set off a chain reaction
[ALL]
On the day I/he got expelled!
Expelled!
Expelled!
