Growin up I never bought an off-brand belt
I was white but always balled like Scott Van Pelt
Germaphobic German girl want firsts on my bratwurst
She know I'm a take care of that body like I'm Bob Durst
Girls I meet say "Hey I heard a lotta your stuff!"
Then she repeat it line for line just like Melania Trump
She wants her to be next
She texts urgent requests
She want a Patagonia vest and a paternity test

One two three, everybody look at me
I tried to get more famous changed my name to Kennedy
Four five six, everybody look at this
I think my music's really sick
So if you don't know me then you should
Should Rex Ryan call you over, stay put
Don't let him within two feet of a foot
Same with Bill Cosby

My sales up so we got a
Yacht at the regatta
Your girl generous me da medulla oblongata
Fresh tuna, tu no habla
Hakuna Matata
Girl whatchu need besides this penis and a Pina Colada
I hit up CVS, picked up the prescription for my cocaine
$69.69 was the copay
(Thanks Obama!)
But still my bros play croquet
And leave a mess all over the front yard like OJ
One two three, everybody, look around
I just failed outta Princeton probably shoulda went to Brown
We got cloud nine down
My shit up on SoundCloud
Paid my agent thirty thou
But if you don't know me then you could
I keep a log of every morning wood
No Ifs Ands or Butts, I am never tryin' anal
But if it's with Ryan Reynolds
Then I would
"Wood" rhymes with "would"

Ok I saw this pretty girl, so I walked up to that ho
And I realized that she wasn't that hot up close
In fact I realized that she was pretty ugly
And I also realized she was your girlfriend
I never had that problem my girlfriend is so attractive
She ran track bitch
Drop it lower than a white wide receiver draft pick
Check your brackets
I pay more taxes than the parents of these lax kids

RG3, think I need to take a knee
I tried to get more famous so I banged a Kennedy
Six six six, motherfuckers look at this
I was born with two dicks
And if you didn't know that then that's good
But you should Google Image search "Diphallic" take a look
Or go on Reddit look up "Double Dick Dude" read his book