[Chorus 1: Fifth Harmony]
This song's totally worthless
It's so generic
It's got stale lyrics
And derivative music
"Talk Dirty" have you heard it?
This sounds just like it
Why the hell are we dancing
In front of the stock markets?

[Verse 1: Max Jr. as Kid Ink]
Ok
This song also sounds a whole lot like "Problem"
Crossed with an old Jewish wedding song
I look like Chris Brown on crack
With these scary face tats
Like I just got out of
Prison prison prison prison prison
These girls' choreography is
Shitty shitty shitty shitty shitty
I can't watch it no mo!

[Verse 2: Tré Melvin as Dinah Jane & Wellington Boyce as Office Worker]
Right now you're prolly asking why
My voice is low, then it goes really high
And why I'm kickin' this guy
Can you stop?
Your heel went in my eye!
I'm the tallest in the band
But believe, I can steal your man
If you wonder if I can
Go ahead, just ask his fine ass
[Pre-Chorus 1: as Shameless Maya as Normani & Office Worker]
I am having trouble gettin' these glasses off my face
I am the black girl in the group we've got one from every race
Nuh uh you don't have an Asian
Ooh we must have spaced
This white girl we have really can't sing so
She can be replaced

[Chorus 2: Fifth Harmony]
This song's about how we're worth it
Worth having sex with
As if we're harlots
Or hookers trying to get rich
But in this we're actin
Like powerful women
Abusing these men
It doesn't make any sense

[Verse 3: Bart Baker as Camila Cabello & Twan Kuyper as Suit Guy]
I am the cutest in the group
And I got a smokin' hot body too
But our stylist has no clue
He dressed me in this unsexy suit
Ew
It's because in this vid
You play Wall Street executives
Who came up with that concept
I don't know but it sure is stupid
[Pre-Chorus 2: Gabbie Hanna as Ally Brooke]
I am trying way too hard to be sexy to young dudes
I wink and flip my hair around, I do every cliche move
I want boys to say I'm hot in the comments for this vid
I look like Nicole Scherzinger and Zayn Malik had a kid

[Chorus 3: Fifth Harmony & Philip Hersh as Simon Cowell]
We're the girl One Direction
We're a collection
Of past contestants
The X Factor rejected
But I got an erection
First time I saw them
And so I signed them
And now they let me shag them

[Verse 4: Kid Ink]
Okay
This song also sounds a whole lot like "Pro-"

[Skit: Camila Cabello]
Stop the music!
No, Kid Ink! Bad Kid Ink!
Your second verse is exactly the same as your first!
What's the point? Get your lazy ass out of here! God!
And... start the video back up!
[Pre-Chorus 3: Workers, Fifth Harmony, Suit Guy, Office Worker & (Aron Reuben Korney as Lawyer)]
We are suing you
Why?
Cos we've both been harassed!
You made me squeeze your junk!
And you stuck your golf club up my ass!
(This is unacceptable behavior it cannot pass!
And I demand justice for my clients and I want it fast!)

[Chorus 4: Simon Cowell & Fifth Harmony]
You can sue them penniless
But they're now worthless
They lost all their cash
In the stock market (What?!)
Sorry girls you're now homeless

[Outro Skit: Camila Cabello]
Goddamnit! I told you guys we shouldn't have invested in Donald Trump!
Ahhhhh!